salvation

"...and in His substitutionary death on the cross He made provision for the redemption of men from sin."

The above quote is from Eric Geiger's Christ Fellowship church websites statement of beliefs. I recently read a quote by him which stated that if one's church does not look like one's city, the church is not following Christ. He leads several mega-churches in Miami and on his website the most prevalent thing is the sale of his book about "Simple Church", which teaches leaders how to bring about spiritual transformation in their congregation. Geiger recently blogged a brochure of "stats" from Christ Fellowship, which includes exactly how many persons attend on a Sunday (around 1000) and how many were "saved" at a given service.

When I first became a Christian (or thought I had through one single thought recognizing that I believed in Christ and his saving work on the cross), I was extremely confused by theological statements like the one above. There I was, now a Christian, a disciple of Christ, following Him and loving Him. Conversely, I was sinning, in thought, word, and deed. So I was left feeling guilty and confused, and I certainly was not growing the "relationship with Jesus Christ" which seemed to be the pinnacle of faith in God and His Son. In fact, at times I questioned if Jesus was really my "personal Saviour". This is the rhetoric I was taught, and it was all I had to work with at the time. How could Christ have died for me, to redeem me from sin, and yet I was actively sinning while confessing that I believed in a God who took my sins away, and "washed me white as snow". I was far from white as snow, and knew it. And because I felt I had somehow been mistaken in my allegiance to Christ, since my sin was not gone, I was at a standstill.

I spent a lot of time listening to sermons and Christian rocks songs that kept saying the same sort of things over and over. If I said A, I would get B. If I really believed C, I would really receive D. If Christ died, then I was "cleansed". The equations I was learning were simple and had only one end result, and they were supposed to be "sufficient for me" as the song goes. I was also taught that if I heard that one sermon (so make sure you're on the edge of your seat), and "got the message" from God then my heart would be transformed and I would be a new woman, ready to accept my mission from Christ. Oh, and don't forget that your mission is ALWAYS partly to be a bouncy, talkative greeter or Sunday school teacher. Then, you're off to the mission field to as happily and confidently share Jesus. But then I was very young, shy and quiet, and not really sure what was going on. I heard how those truly in love with Christ must get up and give their testimony about how God changed their heart. Yet my heart wasn't changed! It was easy, though, to listen to a cute sermon with some well-placed jokes and then get swept up in the emotional waves of music that demanded, comfortably so, nothing from me. I could go to whatever church I felt more comfortable in, as well. At home, all I had to do was read my bible for five minutes a day, listen to music that would lift me up, and tell Jesus I loved Him a lot through my personal prayer.

The first time I was really uncomfortable in a church was when it all came back to this salvation thing. I was at a church that claimed many "new and revolutionary" things. The day in question was one where several children were ushered forward by their parents, and they took the microphone from the Hawaiian shirt clad pastor and said awkwardly with some coaching that they had accepted Jesus Christ into their heart. Then, a few homeless people were brought up the same way. Each proclamation set off a chorus of "Amen!" and Hallelujah!" No amen ringing out was mine, since saying amen was an agreement and I did not agree. Hands were waving in the air, women were crying, and hugs were being freely given. Then the music started, songs of praise for the new disciples who had become Christians that day. The music went on for a long time. I stared at the faces of the newly Christian and wanted to weep. Had they begun down the same path as I, one of false actions to fit in, and confused, guilty prayers to a God that they weren't sure was still around since that glittering day of "acceptance"? Would they sin, and wonder where the Jesus Christ of their personal salvation had gone?

I've learned a lot since then. Leaving non-denominational churches helped. Where I found less freedom to just "hang out with God", I discovered a God that existed ineffably. I didn't have to have some instant conception of who and what God is. This type of understanding and holiness is not met easily or quickly.

Salvation that revolves around the idea of "substitutionary death... to make provision for...redemption from sin" is so empty to me now. Not that I understand much, but the Pascha hymn resounds throughout everything I know, and it's not confusing at all. Christ trampled death by death. He didn't magically take away that inclination to sin that we were so good at fostering, He didn't make our ancestry non-existent. The salvation that I trust is one that speaks of the end of death, which is the great end result of sin. The equation is a bit more complicated, and not necessarily cause and effect.

I hope what I'm hammering at here makes a wee bit of sense.



On other fronts, Elijah, who is 3, asked me what New Years is, since we're going to celebrate it with extended family. I drew a blank. I've never really done the resolution thing, and my family didn't watch the ball drop and what not. I finally told him that it's just a celebration of time continuing and the year changing from 2010 to 2011. The most important thing to him was when I said his 4th birthday would be in the new year. In 2011, Ella will be 2, Eli will be 4, Zach will be 9, and Beth will be 8. And we'll have a new baby to love. Being a slightly overzealous catechumen, admittedly, I'm excited about the new baby being baptized.

It will be a full year. Tonight, slow cooked pork and sauerkraut! There's something to celebrate.

news!

We are expecting a new baby, due in July of the coming year. I am very happy.

But that is all I have to say for now. I am so tired. Pray for our family, and especially for my unborn child. I heard his/her heartbeat for the first time yesterday and it was very loud and strong. No matter how many children you have, hearing that heartbeat the first time just hits you in the chest like a ton of bricks. It's so beautiful and steady and alive.

Baby in the womb at ten weeks. 

Mary, did you know?

The week is passing quickly. Wrapping presents, decorating, as well as various cold weather activities have kept my household busy. I am pretty much recovered from being sick, finally. A cold still lingers- but it isn't too bothersome.

Nativity is very close. We were listening to some Christmas music earlier this evening and heard the song Mary, did you know? I'll bet some of you out there have heard it. Some memorable lines are Mary, did you know that your baby boy would give sight to a blind man? The song speaks of some of the things Christ did in his lifetime, and contrasts those things with the tiny child whose birth we celebrate in just a few days.

Mary, did you know

that your baby boy would one day walk on water?

Mary, did you know

that your baby boy would save our sons and daughters?

Did you know

that your baby boy has come to make you new?

This Child that you delivered will soon deliver you.

Mary, did you know

that your baby boy will give sight to a blind man?

Mary, did you know

that your baby boy will calm the storm with His hand?

Did you know

that your baby boy has walked where angels trod?

When you kissed your little baby you kissed the face of God?

Mary did you know...

The blind will see

The deaf will hear

The dead will live again

The lame will leap

The dumb will speak

The praises of The Lamb

Mary, did you know

that your baby boy is Lord of all creation?

Mary, did you know

that your baby boy would one day rule the nations?

Did you know

that your baby boy is heaven's perfect Lamb?

The sleeping Child you're holding is the Great I Am.

In Orthodox tradition, Mary, the Theotokos, knew full well who she was and who she would bear. It was announced to her clearly by an angel. Further, the Theotokos was promised to God and raised in the church, joyfully entering the temple when she was only three, and remaining there through adulthood, a virgin whose life was devoted to God. Surely, she was closer to God than many of us will ever be, and understood much more than we can imagine. Still, I think about how she was also a young woman, pregnant with her first child. In her holiness, I suppose she could have been without fear. I don't know that she knew just how many things her Son would do...who could have comprehended what the God-man would accomplish.

In the forefeast of the canon, Saint John of Damascus wrote, "How shall a small cave receive thee, for Whom the world cannot find a room? O thou Whom none can comprehend! O Thou, Who with the Father are without beginning, how shalt thou appear as a small child?" Our priest reminded us that we must remember not only the small baby born in a cave, but the man that healed blindness and raised many from the dead, and He who is Immanuel (God with us), but is also Christ who sits in judgement on the last day, casting demons and sinners into a river of fire. Who can comprehend the great I AM?  

If there's anything important to instill in our kids today, I think we need to instill that dual vision- not just the sweet, perfect baby Jesus laid in the glowing manger with his parents leaning lovingly around him which is most recognized this time of year. There is joy, more joy than can be expressed in words, but there also fear that should be taught. I've seen often that things that are Truth are not sweet and soft and pretty. I just hope that parents, especially Orthodox parents, will work against the sparkling images of modern Christmas and tell their children that God is not a lovely tree hanging low with decorations, nor is He a stack of presents waiting to be torn into. Just some thoughts from a young mother who still doesn't know.     

Christ is born! Glorify him!  

Update

What a long December it has been already.

My kids had strep throat, and after just a week's respite we ALL contracted Influenza B. We are on the mend and the big kids are back at school. Even with healing happening, I am exhausted. I started trying to get the house back in order after a week of being couch and bed-ridden, and barely finished straightening my kitchen before I decided it would be best to shut up and sit down.

I've loved the saints of this fast, and the feast days. St. Barbara, St. Nicholas of Myra, St. Herman of Alaska, Conception of the Theotokos...What beautiful remembrances along with the joy of the coming of the birth of the Christ child.

Short post. More to come hopefully later.

obligatory Thanksgiving post

Before I start cooking today, I thought I'd say something here. I'm getting off easy-I only have a to bring a few dishes to the family meal. I am in charge of some veggie side dishes and am making green bean casserole (one of my favorites) and eggplant parm casserole. Plus some cookies and beer will be included.

There was never a history to Thanksgiving in my house growing up. It was chiefly a time of our little family (we didn't go to the big family gathering because of family disagreements) eating more than we usually did and Mom making her famous cheeseball. I learned the "first Thanksgiving" story in my small town public elementary school, and no one ever disputed it. Later in high school I read a few essays on the horrors that the settlers inflicted on the locals, but growing up I didn't know anything other than Pilgrims and Indians and sharing. That didn't matter much, because the focus was eating together and knowing the garden was done for the year and I didn't have to weed or mow anymore. It was usually not quite cold enough yet to worry about how gathering wood for our woodburner would soon replace summer chores.

Even now, I think of several things mainly when I think "Thanksgiving Day". I think of good food and gathering together with family. By now, my husband's side of the family who we gather with has ten grandchildren running around together, it's sometimes chaotic but having a bunch of kids underfoot is nice. When I married my husband, we lived with my parent's in law for a while and I helped my mother-in-law make all the family dishes for the holidays. The family meals have become a part of life in the past six years, and I look forward to them each year. Some of the best times with my mother growing up was cooking with her, so I also enjoyed cooking with my mother-in-law. She's a good woman and I love her dearly. I'm glad she's shared the family recipes with me and welcomed me into her family. I went by her house yesterday and saw she was putting out the family silverware for today's meal. It's a lovely, heavy old set that feels real in your hand and beats plasticware anyday. Thank God for having family in town, we're very lucky. I am very lucky in my in-laws and can't remember that enough.

This year, I am looking forward to spending the afternoon just being together with family. Elijah, my three year old tank of a boy, is excited about the big bird we'll be eating and wants to know who shot it. He'll be disappointed to learn it came from the store freezer. I am thankful that my husband doesn't have to work today...other years he has. I am glad he has a steady job and even likes his job. My father worked construction and factory jobs his whole life and when I was in my pre-teens he learned to hate the back-breaking work as age came on. If my husband remains a police officer, he'll retire with a pension at 50.

Happy Thanksgiving, blogdom. May God grant you many years of memories, and an immediate and extended family whose love extends beyond the present trial.

You Are

For Joseph. You are the best thing.

Help a Monastery

Click here and respond accordingly. Thanks. And share it, too.

mercy

If you had to guess, where would you say the newest challenge to the family's formerly exclusive claim to the socialization of its children has come from?

Mass media?

Peer group?

Nope.

From day care centers. Ugh.

Lord, have mercy!

Click here.

Information to communicate to the Patriarch Ignatios IV and the Synod of Antioch. Click.

a stanza or two, on a friday

Been awhile since I got a poem up on a Friday. I remembered lately my teen love of Bukowski, reading his work in a bookstore in Vegas, from a book I didn't intend to buy because he's not that good. Then I'd slide the book back onto the shelf with it's expensive sticker and go to work. Work was a tiny Italian restaurant where I worked shoulder to shoulder with a really excellent Mexican family who invited me to dinner all the time. They came across the border illegally, and were paid in cash. They were authentic and tough. Man, I miss those people. They made me BBQ when I came over the first few times because, as the head cook Victor said, "Americans eat this." I am from the north and didn't know much about BBQ at that point, and I laughed so hard. I miss the smell of pizza sauce and dough from scratch and the warmth of the huge pizza oven at the restuarant. The owner was trying to expand, maybe get a store in one of the casinos, and he was Italian and came around every few months to wax on about his big Italian family and yell at us for not chopping the chopped antipasto fine enough. It was fun, the rush and bustle of the place pulled you in. It was always busy, so busy, and smells to die for. I even miss the red checkered table cloths that constantly hovered on the edges of my vision.

Bukowski fit into that cynical time in my life, at 17, largely alone in Las Vegas and riding the bus every day because I couldn't afford a car. Anyway, here's a short one.




splash

the illusion is that you are simply

reading this poem.

the reality is that this is

more than a

poem.

this is a beggar's knife.

this is a tulip.

this is a soldier marching

through Madrid.

this is you on your

death bed.

this is Li Po laughing

underground.

this is not a god-damned

poem.

this is a horse asleep.

a butterfly in

your brain.

this is the devil's

circus.

you are not reading this

on a page.

the page is reading

you.

feel it?

it's like a cobra. it's a hungry eagle circling the room.



this is not a poem. poems are dull,

they make you sleep.



these words force you

to a new

madness.



you have been blessed, you have been pushed into a

blinding area of

light.



the elephant dreams

with you

now.

the curve of space

bends and

laughs.



you can die now.

you can die now as

people were meant to

die:

great,

victorious,

hearing the music,

being the music,

roaring,

roaring,

roaring.



Charles Bukowski

another gem from s-p

Pithless Thoughts: Curmudgeophan on Tools of the Trade

Check this out.

If I know one thing, I know we should imitate Christ. Most of the time I don't know how I should do that, let alone how others should.

Of what I understand about the AOANA controversy, I also don't know what to do with it. I only know that God dwells within the Church, I know the presence of the seraphim and the cherubim. I see our Holy Mother gazing down over us. The saints, many martyrs, who not only protested but died for the kingdom of heaven also look solemnly out.  My priest comes and sits with us and teaches us. He tells my children he loves them, and blesses them. I often stand beside my godmother and sing ancient prayers.Then I know that I should be there.

We sing the Beatitudes at Divine Liturgy. These words are one of the most beautiful things we sing.

Blessed are the poor in spirit,


For theirs is the kingdom of heaven.


Blessed are those who mourn,


For they shall be comforted.


Blessed are the meek,


For they shall inherit the earth.


Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,


For they shall be filled.

Blessed are the merciful,


For they shall obtain mercy.


Blessed are the pure in heart,


For they shall see God.


Blessed are the peacemakers,


For they shall be called sons of God.


Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness’ sake,


For theirs is the kingdom of heaven.






Blessed are you when they revile and persecute you, and say all kinds of evil against you falsely for My sake. Rejoice and be exceedingly glad, for great is your reward in heaven, for so they persecuted the prophets who were before you.

The bolded section we do not go on to sing, but look at what it says. We're persecuted. From within the Church it seems unbelieveable and stinks. But it's happening-and has happened, not only in the current AOANA controversy.

You are the salt of the earth; but if the salt loses its flavor, how shall it be seasoned? It is then good for nothing but to be thrown out and trampled underfoot by men.


You are the light of the world. A city that is set on a hill cannot be hidden. Nor do they light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a lampstand, and it gives light to all who are in the house. Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven.
 
"And it gives light to all who are in the house." I wish that those who have a stronger understanding would guide those who don't. There are times when dissent is understandable and necessary, but those who are good lay people are left without stronger understanding. It's much harder to find your way to the house when it's dark inside and dark all around, when there is no light around. Christ saw the multitude, and he called them to himself and taught them. He didn't leave them to their own devices. Love in Christ extends to more people than those who are familiar and those who are like us, to those who make no sense to us and certainly to those in which we see a lack or a stumbling.  
 
If we are to love our enemies, pray for them, sacrifice every comfort and personal gain to stand and be named righteous, even so far as to die willingly at the hand of persecuters, then what good is it to strike for the greener plain or the desert in times of trouble? What sort of sacrifice is required? Is it one of withdrawal, or one of suffering?
 
Then I have children. I'm not taking them out of the Church. The eccelesial politics are beyond them (partially beyond me!) and so there is no good in removing them.
 
So I don't know.
 
My mother in law talks all the time about the horrors of situational ethics. It's one of the things I agree with that she refers to alot.
 
Lord, have mercy upon the AOANA.
 
Here's a maybe unrelated quote I recently read that might be relevant or I just like it...or something: You do not have a soul. You are a soul. You have a body. -C.S. Lewis
 
 

Rambling

Reading my sociology textbooks makes me wonder: is the resistance to Orthodox practices I have seen in some friends and even family members a result of the American idea of democracy? If democracy is the best, and greatest form as we are taught and adhere to, if the US is doing it right (as we are taught so carefully not to be communists or autocratic in any way), then a faith that doesn't specifically focus on the worth of the individual only is in opposition. I am not saying I think democracy is incorrect, I mean to say I was thinking about the differences between autocratic government and democratic government. The definitions of each are interesting to contrast, and just leaving paraklesis, having asked repeatedly that the Lord have mercy, I cannot help but think about this as it relates to the Church.

If classic democratic ideology says that an individual is born free, that they are not subject to the rule of others, and that the only legitimate basis for rule is consent to be ruled, and if America is regarded as a democratic society which is founded on classic democratic ideologies, then I see how it would be hard for some to accept Orthodoxy in fullness, especially in adulthood. When you have been taught it is correct to be an individual, free of rule, born with personal freedoms to do what you like, how hard it must be to look at Orthodoxy without fear. Orthodoxy does not revolve around one person, or their separate identity and worth alone, and constantly (thought not to the exclusion of the individual) looks toward that individual's value as a part of a larger Body.

Democracy is defined also in my text as "existing at the pleasure of the people and having no authority or purpose except as defined by the people". When combined with economic ideologies, the democratic ideology suffers, and so have the pleasures, purpose, and authority then become corrupted? I think it is safe to say that Protestant history shows this ideal of democracy, that the church exists for the pleasure of the people and largely has no authority or purpose except as defined by the people. If my thinking is anywhere close to any reality, then the teachings of Christ are also in opposition to classic democracy.

Just rambling. Back to the books. Pray for me.

silliness

Today I recieved a letter in the mail, quite an interesting letter. It seems I am to recieve $141.63 from Walgreens, where I worked over 4 years ago as an assistant manager. You must know, reader, that I only worked there nine months. The letter was in regards to my part of a settlement to females who worked in management positions from 2004 to 2009. Apparently, Walgreens was promoting male managers faster, and paying them more. They are putting out 17 million dollars to settle the suit- which I guess indicates that there was good evidence against the company.

I just started laughing reading the letter. I can tell you absolutely that this lawsuit is entirely believable and deserved. While a few hundred dollars is silly, and I don't care if I get it or not, thinking about working at retail management (when I was 19) in a place like Walgreens just makes shiver. The male managers WERE promoted faster, for several reasons. First, the most successful (profit-wise) Walgreens stores (at least at the time, in Memphis) are in the rougher neighborhoods. I thank God I wasn't shot working for the short time I did, because my store was held up 3 times when I was there, and shots fired each time. The store was burglarized on a grand scale 4 times, at night. The clientele and neighborhood was often less than friendly...I was encouraged to enter and exit the store with another employee only. Male managers are more of a threat, and therefore leave less of a vunerablity for such stores. Second reason male managers were more favored: they were more willing to give up their whole life for a high salary. Most of the managers I knew were alcoholics, and that was the least of their problems. I am not saying all of them, but most. Women, I suppose, aren't as likely to work nonstop at something like that, disregarding the other aspects of their life, like health and family.

I don't have to do anything to recieve a settlement. I don't have to make any statement, just having worked there as a female in management guarantees I recieve a settlement. I wouldn't make a statement if that was required, because honestly I was lucky and the job paid exceedingly more than a 19 year old just starting college should be making. My store manager was a good old guy, better than a lot of them, but he was still a mess. He told me when I quit (to stay home with my first baby which I had just found out I was having) that I was making the biggest mistake of my life. The biggest mistake of my life was quitting college so I could make lots of money at a job I didn't qualify for and have no idea how I got in the first place. He said what he did because I was the youngest female employee in the district, and he had pushed to get me hired and pushed me up for promotion. My pregnancy was unexpected and an annoyance. I endured many "you're ruinging your life" talks my two weeks notice before I quit. I honestly think he thought managing a store that had high profits was a great life accomplishment. He was one of the only managers I met with one wife (not divorced), but he was an alcoholic and had bad heart problems from the stress. Retail management is a nightmare and I am glad (no matter the pay) that I did not take that route in my life.

Go to your local pharmacist. Even if I do have some darn nice coffee mugs from the 1,000th store opening.

saints

Just thinking about my patron.

I'd like to be present at a Divine Liturgy that used the Liturgy of St. James. I have read that it was actually written by St. Cyril of Jerusalem, and while originally used in Jerusalem and Antioch before being replaced by the Liturgy of Sts. Basil and Chrysostom, it is used today primarily in Oriental churches, and only occasionally in Eastern churches. The Liturgy of St. James is, however, referred to as being one of the three Antiochene liturgies. I'd love to hear it, if I could find an Eastern church using it. Is this more common that I have read?

Also, I find conflicting arguments about who St. James actually is. He is conclusively NOT St. James the Greater, but some say he is the Less, AND the brother of the Lord, some differentiate and claim that St. James the Less and St. James the Brother are two different persons. At some point, the blurring doesn't matter too much, I suppose. I recently read about St. Parascheva (Romania, Serbia) and there were at least three different women saints in the Eastern Tradition called St. Parascheva and the third's relics are the ones specifically venerated in the Metropolitan's Cathedral Iasi. I suppose that each perhaps had their patron saint's name as their name, and therefore because of their relationship it makes perfect sense to confuse them at times. This writing from Hegesippus is interesting.

Pray for me.

to-die-for

My new favorite dessert is affogato, which is hot espresso poured over gelato or vanilla icecream. It's amazing!

Here is an easy home recipe. Try it!

update

*edited after reading over. Sinus infection equaled statements such as "we are not mold" and "this recipe is fast friendly" when clearly it is not fast friendly. Edited

Sociology is really quite boring. I can't stand it, honestly. Especially the parts that relate to teaching children. I've homeschooled. I've been homeschooled. Reading that the best positive socialization a child receives-and the most important-is in his or her peer group AT SCHOOL just makes me want to giggle. It's all well and good until you remember that we are all individuals and do not all fit in some theory or mould. And schools here (I cannot speak for other countries or societies) are often terrible environments to boot. It's probably the most tedious set of courses I will take in teacher education, especially coming from my background. Granted, I admire some of the viewpoints and theories proposed by sociologists, but I certainly wouldn't want to be them and only have such theories as my legacy.

Moving on, that's school and it's less than interesting. Concerning faith, we were enrolled as catechumens 2 weeks ago and I hope to learn more than a lot in the next year or so before we are chrismated. Thank God for our godparents and especially our children's godparents, and for our priests.

I am missing homeschooling but there are extenuating circumstances which lead to me state positively that my older kids are in a great school with great teachers and are at a great advantage in their personal lives as well. Their high marks make me insanely proud and their teachers have commended me on how well they've been taught. I have plenty of time to spend with my little ones and that is also terrific. Elijah and I are working on preschool skills. He has absolutely no interest in the alphabet or letter sounds (groaning and fussing when I bring out anything to do with reading), so we are taking a break from letters, and looking at colors, numbers, thinking skills, and playing in the dirt (his favorite activity).

I made Irish soda bread recently for a sweet baby boy's baptism and it is FANTASTIC, and also can be made fast friendly. Yum! Here is the recipe (add raisins for extra drool-worthiness!):

Irish Soda Bread


Ingredients:

1 3/4 cups unbleached flour, plus extra for dusting

1 3/4 cups whole-wheat flour

1 tsp baking soda

1 tsp salt

2 tbsp unsalted butter

1 1/4 cups buttermilk (pour 1 tbsp + 1 tsp vinegar in a measuring cup; add enough milk to equal 1 1/4 cups)



1. Sift the flours, baking soda and salt together in a large bowl. Rub the butter into the flour with your fingertips until evenlt dipersed.

2. Make a well in the center of the mixture and pour in the buttermilk. Use a wooden spoon to stir in the flour to form a softm crumbly dough.

3. Turn the dough out onto a lightly until smooth, up to 3 minutes.

4. Shape into a flattened round, about 6 in. across and 2 in. thick. Dust w/ flour. Cut a slash 1 in. deep across the top, then another to form an X.

5. Bake in preheated oven at 400Ffor about 35 minutes, until hollow sounding when tapped underneath. Cover w/ dish towel, then cool on a wire rack.

hearsay

What an interesting word, hearsay.

It's fun to say.

enrollment

My family will be enrolled as catechumens this Sunday, September 26. Please pray for us all.

submit

I just clicked submit on a task for my language and communications class. It feels a bit familiar now, a few months in, "going to college" online. I don't think I'm getting the best education the world has to offer. But it's certainly not the worst.

I don't have great aspirations to be a career woman. My finishing college is simply a recognition that I want this as a child of parents who never went to college, and I want my children to know that higher education is important and set an example for them. I also concede that in today's workforce, it's sadly required that you have some sort of degree. It doesn't really matter if it's in under water basket weaving. This is how the world judges how good a person is going to be as an employee. I don't agree with it, but in order to prepare myself to provide for my childen in the event that the worst happens and I have to work I accept this law.

I'll take an average education, since I can meet these impossibly silly standards of judging the worth of an applicant and stay at home with my kids. I embrace this form of education that enables me to sit on the edge of my son's bed and sing him a lullaby while I revise a research presentation outline. That is, if you'll allow me a phrase of my relatively recent teens, hella cool.

Thank God that I am with my children all day. I spent this morning walking and talking with a friend, watching our children run ahead together and stare at the world in amazement. Then I held a dear almost one month old baby boy and watched him working on a social smile. I went home and talked to my wonderful husband and cooked a peach cobbler to share with family, and another for my friend's great little girl's name day. My husband and I played with our four kids for an hour tonight past bedtime and it was so much fun.

Glory to Christ! Glory to her! Life is good.

Birth

Glory be to Her!

Saw this icon on a Russian website and thought it was particularly lovely.

Pickin' peaches

I took the kids to Jones Orchard today, a locally owned farm about 15 minutes from my house. We did not get apples or pears, but got a bushel at least of peaches. The kids had a lot of fun, and so did I. We couldn't see anything in any direction other than orchard and soybean fields. What a refreshing sight! Besides it was a beautiful day and the heat of summer has let up.

I have plans to make a peach pie, and a cobbler. We certainly have enough peaches. I loved showing the kids how to figure out which peaches were good and ready to be picked. My littlest was delighted to reach up and pull down fruit. She called every fruit "appbull". I looked at the pear orchard but they were all canning pears and I do not have a canner. Jones Orchard also has apples, which we got a few of but they are also for cooking.

We explored through the orchard grounds and saw a few huge hogs in their pens. Our truck was charged by a gorgeous rooster, which the kids found hilarious. He actually blocked the gravel road so we couldn't pass by for a few minutes.

speaking of celebrating the new year...

My family is going to be enrolled in September as catechumens! I am very happy.

Thanks be to God!

Call no man father

Interesting article disputing Protestant misgivings over the title Father.

not a victim

I have a lot running through my head after our catechism this morning.

We looked at our icon of the Nativity of Christ closely.

Notice the wrappings of the Christ child. These are grave wrappings. Notice where He is laid, not in a light-illumined, hay filled manger, but upon the tomb. Christ was born to die. He was not born to live, as we are, but to die.

Our priest spoke about how Western Christianity views Christ as a victim, but He was not a victim. He was in control of his crucifixion and of His sacrifice. As we say in the Liturgy, He is both the High Priest and the sacrifice. But what does this mean? We discussed this today, and particularly what is on my mind is a relatively new concept. It's not exactly entirely new to me, but I guess I should say unexplored. Everything I have received in Protestant churches has been scratching the surface. What I receive in Orthodox teaching is full of depth and light. Father asked us what redemption is to us. We gave such answers as we knew, or explained what we had previously been taught.

Here is the jist of it, as eloquently as I can manage:

Christ died to trample death by death, as we sing. This is the thing we should focus on. It is not that Christ came to wash us clean from our sins, or to defeat evil, or to make God like us again. What was redeemed was death itself. Christ came into the world to die and in the death of His Divine Humanity, humanity was sanctified and will be resurrected. Christ did not die to pay a debt we sinners owed to God, or a debt owed to the evil one. He died so that death would not be our end, and that eternity would be possible for the souls which He created. We had brought death upon ourselves, and death became nothing through His death and resurrection.

Christ didn't die for me. He didn't die for you. He died to trample down death. His Passion was voluntary, He was in control of the Resurrection, and as a result, upon those in the tombs He bestowed, and is bestowing, life.

Help rebuild St. Nicholas Church!

The above photo is St. Nicholas Church moments before it was destroyed.

Read about St. Nicholas church here. This church must be rebuilt! Support it in whatever way you can, even if it's just spreading the word.

This isn't about the building of a mosque, which has been huge in media. This is about a church which should have already been rebuilt, before any new worship building is constructed. St. Nicholas's history of 91 years at the site deserves precedence.

Chickens

I am going to get chickens, I think. Under 4. Just enough to provide us with eggs, but not too stinky or noisy because of our neighborhood. Surely, if our neighbors put up with goats they will put up with chickens.

First, I have to build a chicken tractor. I won't be buying one, since they are absurdly expensive for such a simple structure. I am a wee bit handy. My dad is a woodworker, and I helped him out all the time in his shop as a kid. If I run into a really confusing problem I can call him and I know he'll have a simple answer.

I have looked extensively at plans for a coop. The tractor, which is moveable seems extremely advantageous for the small scale chicken owner. I don't want to do wheels, as the plans I have seen with wheels are more complicated than I have the tools/time for. Instead, I want to build a tractor with lifting handles. If I get lightweight wood the weight should be manageable, and if it's a little heavy (which as small as I'm thinking it should not be) my son or husband can help me move it. I read the tractor should be moved every two or three days, and can be left up to a week if you're ok with the chickens scratching to bare ground, like in a garden. They're like natural tillers! Not to mention fertilizers. They also eat unwanted pests like grubs and snails and the like.

Anyway, I am inclined to try to build a triangular tractor, with a run in the middle and a nesting box and roost on one side, with hinged access for collecting eggs. The other side

(think ---nesting box>/\--run--/\<---feeder cover)

will have the water and feeder inside in order to keep them dry. The feeder side will need hinged access as well, and I have seen a hinged door on the run for access to the chickens as well which I think is a good idea. I had hens growing up and they are stubborn, so if we need to catch one the access door would be helpful.

If all goes as planned, we should have chickens within a few months. This plan might be aborted till spring if something else comes up or I need to focus on school...we'll see. I have a friend who has chickens and is helping me figure out what type of chicken does best here in the south.

My husband is a police officer. I saw this short video recently. I've seen it before. What I didn't know is that it's narrated by Paul Harvey, talk radio legend, whose father was a police officer that was killed when he was only a small boy after four men tried to rob him off duty.

Policemen

musings

I am sitting here in the car lane at the elementary school. Absentmindedly observing the fifty some or more butterflies that are flitting about in the field next to the school. I see after-school and extended care kids getting into daycare buses, the same kids whose parents dropped them off a half hour before the bell rang today. I suppose they won't get picked up from after care for a few more hours.

I feel in a bit of a time crunch picking my kids up and having time with them only till eight thirty, which we have declared school night bedtime. I don't know how any parenting gets done when you have the early and extended care situation going. I think it's horrific. That sounds impossibly judgemental, and I know a lot of parents dont't have an easy choice there. If it ever gets to that, I will live in a trailer before I only see my kids to wake them up and put them to sleep. I have quit jobs and lost income before to be at home with my kids, and I'd do it again.

It is a tradgedy, and I am full of sadness for those families. Homeschooling, it's easy to be idealistic and not notice the rest of the neighborhood. The school our kids attend now is small and operates on a neighborhood principle-the kids going here live closeby. I see five year olds holding their younger siblings hand, in this big, crime ridden city, no parent in sight, standing waiting for the bus, and afterward getting on a boxy white daycare bus.

Family in this sense is merely a business arrangment. These students I speak of are not the majority it seems, thank God. But even thirty kids is too many for my perspective. Lord, have mercy.

Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear - not absence of fear. Except a creature be part coward it is not a compliment to say it is brave.

~Mark Twain, Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar, 1894

"Organic" food has also changed because the word "organic" is no longer synonymous with locally grown food. In fact, we actually see large corporate farms replacing smaller independently-run farms. California's $400 million organic produce market is now controlled by five massive organic farms, and Horizon Organic controls over 70% of our nation's organic milk market, with over 30% of its milk coming from two factory-style dairy farms with approximately 5000 cows each. This is far from the ideal of supporting small and local farmers.

-from a paper I had to read for my course recently. Hmm..

I get these awful migraines. Today, I was out with my son buying some groceries and got sick. It's so ugly and just overcomes me. I can't think, and feel like I'm unable to draw a full breath. I have severe visual disturbances that scare me. My arm might go numb. Behind my eyes I feel a terrible sharp pain. Then I get nauseous, so I can't keep medications down. I've tried several different medications over the years and nothing is that helpful. I still have to suffer through hours (usually around 4) of severe pain.

I actually haven't had one in a good number of months. Today a wave of pain hit me out of nowhere and I had to sit down in the middle of a grocery isle and was scared I wouldn't be able to drive my son home. I made it home and my husband immediately had to take over everything so I could go in my room and burrow under pillows. I always try to go to sleep, mostly to escape the pain, but I end up getting too nauseous and have to get up. My doctor has no idea why this happens, especially because it is random. I've had migraines since I was a small girl. I remember coming home from school because of them in elementary school.

I have prayed for the burden of these headaches to be taken away from me before. But today remembered the saint who is honored on July 27th, my husband's birth day. I prayed to Saint Panteleimon, who I recently learned about. I am serious when I say that I was despairing because after almost three hours the skull-splitting pain had not abated, even though I took strong medicines. Labor pains were not as bad as my headaches. Then, I started praying to Saint Panteleimon. I re-read the story of his life aloud and sang the Apolytikion and Kontakion. Beth, my newly seven-year-old daughter, is the best caregiver for the sick in our household, and brought me a small icon of the Theotokos enthroned to hold as well. I pulled up the above picture of the wonder-working icon of Saint Panteleimon on my laptop and sat it next to me.

I was feeling a lot better within minutes.

Apolytikion

Panteleimon, saintly champion and healer,

intercede with our merciful God to grant our souls remission of sins.

Kontakion

O Champion and Martyr of God,

imitating the Merciful and bearing from Him the grace of healing,

cure our spiritual ills by your prayers,

and set free from the temptation of the eternal enemy,

those who ceaselessly cry out, "Save us, O Lord."
 
 

I would love it if...

..you dear Orthodox women (or men!) out there would recommend something new and fun (but inexpensive to make) that is vegan. I've got plenty of soup recipes. I'm good on breads, too. I'm going to try a cheeseless pizza this fast, too. I worked in an Italian restaurant that was pretty traditional and they had several pizzas without cheese or meat.

Thanks to anyone that takes a moment.

paraklesis

I attended (for twenty minutes or so before the kids shut down--it was nap time and we'd already been to hours) my first paraklesis yesterday. I had no idea what the service entailed, and finally got an answer from my soon-to-be godfather (so pleased!). He is a young priest but already very knowledgeable. His manner in answering my questions about things Orthodox has been the best I've encountered. Just "This is how it is", instead of "Ooh, lookie what I know about this and that and also I could go on about this part and how I piously do it". It's refreshing and helpful, and Father N. has also answered my children's questions and corrected them gently. He came to pray for Elijah when he split his head a week ago, and patiently endured Eli's sucker pieces falling on the epitrachelion. I was a bit embarrassed when Eli conceded, "I don't like that cross," but Father N., simply replied, "I'll wear the other one next time and we will see if you like that one."

I did protest, "Next time?!" because I am not ready for lacerations and blood and staples again yet. I'd rather never do it again. That was the first time I have taken any of my kids to the emergency room...it was not fun. 

Back to paraklesis. I have yet to figure out in which way we venerate the larger, prominently placed icon of the Theotokos during Dormition, but that'll come, I suppose, with time. The liturgy is beautiful and I hope to make it through a whole one soon. I was blessed to hear Father N. and his sweet wife Kh. Jeanette singing together.

Kh. Jeanette is due to have her second child within days and I'd apprectiate your prayers for her.

Most Holy Theotokos, save us!

unnatural passions

I am sitting here beside my young daughter's bed watching her fall asleep. She insists on the comfort of my presence to drift off to sleep. Sometimes I stare at her like this, in love with the delicate flare of her tiny nostrils, and the way her little fingers curl around mine. Other times I am, honestly, just impatient to leave the room and do what I want. Those are the times when I miss the moment's beauty entirely. I deny myself stillness in exchange for hurry. This cycle is vicious, and hard to recognize.

I am thinking now about my passions. I have many, some natural and some unnatural that I constantly come face to face with and battle. It's scary to consider that even something good can become an unnatural passion, corrupted by desires of our flesh. Say, a person is a gifted writer, but that writing becomes self-seeking and proclaims righteousness in self and degrades others by constant criticism. Who is more destructed, the reader or the author? I'd say the author. I have denied my sins and acted horribly enough times that I have started to understand that I am the author of all my miseries. No matter how many times and how brilliantly I condemn and blame others, I gain nothing but arrogance- I mislead myself and while ruling with wild abandon my own passions overtake me and dash me against the backwards stepping stones, which I laid myself through haphazard unwillingness to love.

Where does forgiveness come into battling passions? I heard a homily a few weeks ago and I cannot forget it. It echoes through my day like a haunt. Father said that truly forgiving means asking for forgiveness even when you're not the worst of the conflict, even if you are sure you've done nothing wrong. I'm paraphrasing sadly here, but what he said was the best I've heard on forgiveness thus far. I had the idea that we should always forgive, and ask for forgiveness, but this notion of asking for forgiveness no matter the circumstances is hard to swallow. I think it speaks of that holiness Orthodoxy encourages all of us to seek. This charge is above self, above what basic rights we think we have. I feel that I have a right to my views, to my thoughts, to my own ways of living, when in fact I only have the right to beg forgiveness. No matter what.

I don't know quite what to do with this, but I know it's important.

Back to the research paper, now. Which is quite fun.

Iron and Wine

New thing I like and will listen to more: Samuel Beam

You will click.

Abortifacient Contraceptives? edited with additional information

What follows is from a letter I wrote recently:

I have spent a good deal of time going over scientific evidence and opinions from all possible outlooks. I am considering writing a research paper for school on the abortive properties of contraceptives, but I am beginning to see that while sufficient evidence exists to support the belief that oral contraceptives (as well as the "shot" and other hormone suppressive contraceptives) can cause post-fertilization abortion, there are actually enough studies to be found that any work I did might be redundant. These studies are not particularly easy to find, however, and certainly aren't inflencing mainstream practices, sadly.

In general medical definition, which is then passed onto the patient as truth, life is not present (and therefore termination at this point is not seen as abortion) at fertilization, but only after the fertilized egg implants in the uterus and matures enough to be considered "clinical pregnancy". However, from scientific studies as early as the 1800s, the fertilized egg was recognized as a living organism at the single-celled stage of life. Modern vernacular tells women (I have heard it myself from doctors) that pregnancy is not present until the aforementioned "clinical pregnancy" exists.

As a Christian, and even before, I have always believed that life begins at conception. It is my perception that this is the stance of the Orthodox Church as well. If I am correct, then I assume a priest might want to inform his parishioners of what their doctor and media in general will not tell them. Even if a person was Christian and pro-choice (this is impossible, but I am sure it is a viewpoint a few might hold) I think they'd agree that if women have a right to an abortion then they have a right to know when their actions cause an abortion as well. They should be informed of these very real findings about abortifacients.

Here is one article that covers it all, and objectively-with scientific studies considered. It covers what Joe told you about our findings in the manufacturer labeling as well...the thing is that in the patient insert the ovulation suppressant action of the contraceptive is stressed, and the abortifacient properties are either not shown at all, or very slightly observed in a way that keeps the uninformed woman from drawing any conclusions. The percentage of pregnancy listed is also skewed, because often what is listed is only the clinical use findings (based again on the idea that "clinical pregnancy" is the only concern), therefore without any variation by patient or observing more typical use. Think of this: even if most often quoted 1% of 100,000 women conceived while taking the pill, that results in 1,000 terminations of life. The percentages, however, are often out of 100 women, which increases the abortion rate.

It's nice to know that organizations such as Prolife OBGYNS exist. Their own view on contraceptives can be seen here, and two further evidentiary articles are linked.

This, from the APPLOG site, is especially interesting:


"At the same midwinter meeting a draft document entitled BIRTH CONTROL PILLS: CONTRACEPTIVE OR "ABORTIFACIENT? was circulated. While this was advertised as not a project of AAPLOG, eight of the signers were or are members of the board of directors. Near the beginning of their document, the authors state; “We begin with the recognition that within the Christian community there is a point of view which holds that artificial birth control per se is wrong. We would consider this a personal matter of conscience and belief, and this paper is not intended to argue for or against this issue.” While admiring the Christian philosophy of the authors, there is another truth to be considered. There is an unarguable logic connecting the contraceptive act and the abortive act. They are both anti-life. To fully articulate this proposition, the contraceptive action is anti-the-formation of a new life. One does not pop a pill, slip on a condom, take a shot in the buttocks, etc. in preparation for a game of Chinese Checkers. The only logical reason for these actions is to prevent the formation of a new life while positing voluntary coital acts. One might employ condoms in the illusory hope of avoiding sexually transmitted diseases (STD’s), but this is Russian roulette revisited with twice the risk of dying if AIDS is the object of one’s concern. The greatest witness to the logic of this truth is Planned Parenthood (PP). PP has progressed from being the Western world’s number one promoter and provider of contraception to being the number one provider and promoter of induced abortion."

Read the rest here, where the "big lie" is adressed. A must read.

low key

The past few weeks have been pretty low key. I am moseying along through my classes, the kids are getting ready for a new school year and new experiences, and we're all enduring the mugginess of summer. It was unreasonably hot, but the last few days it's been raining off and on. Thus, the mugginess.

Happenings:

1. My littlest got four more teeth. She endured it well. Those were her last before molars.
2. Elijah is more and more inquisitive, or maybe he is just easier to understand now. He's so much fun.
3. Hanging indentations are silly.
4. I found an old friend from my jiu-jitsu days, and caught up. Fun!
5. I re-read the Protoevangelion of St. James the less. (my patron)
6. We've asked folks to be our sponsors/godparents. (we, being the whole family) Wow.

It's been a long July. A good one, but I feel especially tired. I am ready for the cooler, less demanding touch of fall. October sounds lovely.

oatmeal stout

My new favorite beer. Available at our local Snucks just shy of the diaper isle, too.

I read up on Samuel Smith's this morning. Quite interesting!

family egoism

I found this piece while trying to find some instance of the Fathers commenting on patriotism. I don't know who wrote it, no author was given. I especially agree with the parts I highlighted below. The author makes some interesting points.

Family and Society; Patriotism

A strong and healthy family is the first and basic unit of society and of the state. The strongest and most well organized state will come to a condition of decline and disintegration if its family unit falls apart and there are no bases of family life and upbringing. If, on the other hand, the family unit is strong and the upbringing is healthy, then in the event of a major external destruction of the forms of state life, the people remain capable of carrying on life and can re-establish the strength and unity of the state.

A Christian family must not lock itself up within itself or turn itself into a "chicken coop." Such a life is family egoism. A person who lives in it has no interests outside his own family, does not want to know of the joys and sorrows of the surrounding world and does not serve it in any way. Such a life is not a Christian life, and such a family is not a Christian family. A Christian family, as a cell or unit of society, is a part of it which is inseparably united with its whole. It actively participates in the society's life and serves its neighbors.

According to the clear teaching of the Gospel moreover, the living relationship of the Christian must not be locked up within the framework of the national state. Christian love is pan-human. For a Christian, each person, no matter to what nation he may belong, is his neighbor whom he must love according to the commandment of the Savior. We are clearly told this by the parable of the merciful Samaritan, and especially by its categorical conclusion. In this parable, the Savior showed the Pharisee the degree of mercy and love which the good Samaritan bestowed upon the robbed and wounded Jew - a man from a nation inimical to his own. Further He told the Pharisee, "Go and do likewise! Such is the law of Christian love."

But if we Christians are called to such an all-embracing love, then are we not compelled to accept cosmopolitanism - that teaching of the brotherhood of all people, according to which man is a "citizen of the universe," and not of his own state? According to this teaching, mankind must become one family, without any state-national differences and divisions.

We do not doubt that the positive part of cosmopolitanism's teaching approaches close to Christianity. It undoubtedly took its appeals for brotherhood, love and mutual help directly from Christianity. These appeals are purely Christian. It is, however, only these Christian ideas which are of value in cosmopolitanism. Cosmopolitanism has, however, added much distorted falsehood and error to this element of truth. Because of this, its teaching has become narrowly one-sided and artificial, and thus not vital. Such errors include all the tenets of cosmopolitanism which speak against feelings of patriotism and the duty of service to the native land, its good estate and safety.

One can, in fact, observe that the lives of the verbose preachers of cosmopolitanism are dry and incapable of sincere, compassionate relationships. With foam at the mouth they cry about their love for mankind, but cannot love their neighbor as is necessary. Christianity does not teach this false, one-sided cosmopolitanism. Christ commanded us to have, not an artificial "love for mankind," but real love for neighbor. For a Christian, such a neighbor is every person in general (therefore, a Christian must love everyone), and in particular, each person with whom he meets in daily life. Christian life is manifested most of all precisely in these personal encounters, in living mutual intercourse, mutual support and compassion. How distant from this is the one-sided teaching, of cosmopolitanism with its appeals for an artificial "love for mankind;" a love which is removed from the realities of life.

As a child, a person's neighbors, are his parents, brothers, sisters, and other relatives. At this time, it is sufficient if one is a good, loving, responsive and dedicated member of the family. The child does not yet have vital relationships with those outside the family. Gradually growing up through childhood and adolescent years, one develops personal, vital relationships with many other people and they become "one's own." Good upbringing must teach the child to treat these new "neighbors" in a Christian manner - to be friendly, of good will, to have a sincere readiness to help, and to render as much service as possible. As a person matures, his horizons expand and every human being becomes one's "neighbor," no matter to what nation or race they may belong.

Naturally, one will love one's own family and the relatives he grew up with, most of all, and secondly, the whole country, the people to which one belongs. One is tied to this people both by state and civil obligations and by culture and customs. One is bound to one's people, to one's own homeland, and one loves them. This love for homeland is that Christian patriotism which cosmopolitanists so strongly struggle against.

Christian patriotism is, of course, alien to those extremes and errors into which "super-patriots" fall. A Christian patriot, while loving his nation, does not dose his eyes to its inadequacies, but soberly looks at its properties and characteristics. He will never agree with those "patriots" who are inclined to elevate and justify everything native (even national vices and inadequacies). Such "patriots" do not realize that this is not patriotism at all, but puffed-up national pride - that very sin against which Christianity struggles so strongly. No, a true patriot does not dose his eyes to the sins and ills of his people; he sees them, grieves over them, struggles with them and repents before God and other peoples for himself and his nation. In addition, Christian patriotism is completely alien to hatred of other peoples. If I love my own people, then surely I must also love the Chinese, the Turks or any other people. Not to love them would be non-Christian. No, God grant them well-being and every just success.

The most important information which we find on patriotism is in the Holy Scripture. In the Old Testament, all the history of the Jewish people is filled with testimony of how the Jews loved their Zion, their Jerusalem, their temple. This was a model of true patriotism, of love for one's people and its sacred things ... The prophet Moses showed an especially striking example of love for his people. On one occasion, immediately after the concluding of the testament of God, the Israelite people betrayed their God and worshipped a golden calf. Then, the justice of God's Truth was strongly inflamed. Moses began to pray for his people which had sinned. He remained on the mountain for forty days and forty nights in prayer. The Lord told him, "Depart from Me, do not hinder Me, that My justice be kindled on them and destroy them."

The great prophet began to pray even more fervently and finally exclaimed, "Forgive them their sin, and if You will not, then erase me also from Your book of life." And the Lord harkened to Moses. Is this not the highest struggle of self-denying patriotism?

We see a similar example in the New Testament in the life of the great Apostle Paul. No one hindered his work of preaching more wrathfully and stubbornly than did his fellow countrymen. They hated Paul and considered him to be a betrayer of the faith of their fathers. Nevertheless, the Apostle says, "I would be cut off from Christ for the sake of my brethren ... the Israelites." From these words, we see his love for his native people. This love was so great that, like Moses, he was prepared to sacrifice even his personal, eternal salvation for the salvation of his people.

We have an example in the life of the Savior Himself. In the Gospel we read that He came only to His own people and spoke to them first of all. On another occasion, He said, turning to Jerusalem, "O Jerusalem, Jerusalem, which kills the prophets and stones them that are sent unto you; how often would I have gathered your children together, as a hen gathers her brood under her wings."(Lk. 13:34-35). When He rode into Jerusalem to the cries of "Hosanna," when all the people rejoiced, the Savior wept. He did not weep for Himself, but for this, His city, and about the ruin of those who were now crying to Him, "Hosanna!" but in a few days would cry, "Crucify Him!" Thus did He love His own people with a profound and moving love.

The feeling of patriotism, therefore, is not rejected and condemned by Christianity. It does not condemn, despite the false views of cosmopolitanists, the righteousness of the pre-eminent love for one's neighbors. We already know the words of the Apostle, "If anyone does not care for his own, and especially for his own household, he has renounced faith and is worse than an unbeliever... "

Once more we emphasize that such love and care must not be egoistic, self-enclosing love. While caring for those with whom one comes into a direct contact, a Christian must never forget other people in his Christian love - his neighbors, and brothers in Christ. In conclusion, let us cite these words of Apostle Paul (from the Epistle to the Galatians): "So, as we have opportunity, let us do good to everyone, and especially to those of the household of faith."

My priest recommend St. Vincent of Lerins Commonitory.

Here is chapter 23.


CHAPTER XXIII


On Development in Religious Knowledge

BUT some one will say, perhaps, Shall there, then, be no progress in Christ's Church? Certainly; all possible progress. For what being is there, so envious of men, so full of hatred to God, who would seek to forbid it? Yet on condition that it be real progress, not alteration of the faith. For progress requires that the subject be enlarged in itself; alteration, that it be transformed into something else. The intelligence, then, the knowledge, the wisdom, as well of individuals as of all, as well of one man as of the whole Church, ought, in the course of ages and centuries, to increase and make much and vigorous progress; but yet only in its own kind; that is to say, in the same doctrine, in the same sense, and in the same meaning.

The growth of religion in the soul must be analogous to the growth of the body, which, though in process of years it is developed and attains its full size, yet remains still the same. There is a wide diference between the flower of youth and the maturity of age; yet they who were once young are still the same now that they have become old, insomuch that though the stature and outward form of the individual are changed, yet his nature is one and the same, his person is one and the same. An infant's limbs are small, a young man's large, yet the infant and the young man are the same. Men when full grown have the same number of joints that they had when children; and if there be any to which maturer age has given birth these were already present in embryo, so that nothing new is produced in them when old which was not already latent in them when children. This, then, is undoubtedly the true and legitimate rule of progress, this the established and most beautiful order of growth, that mature age ever develops in the man those parts and forms which the wisdom of the Creator had already framed beforehand in the infant. Whereas, if the human form were changed into some shape belonging to another kind, or at any rate, if the number of its limbs were increased or diminished, the result would be that the whole body would become either a wreck or a monster, or, at the least, would be impaired and enfeebled.

In like manner, it behoves Christian doctrine to follow the same laws of progress, so as to be consolidated by years, enlarged by time, refined by age, and yet, withal, to continue uncorrupt and unadulterate, complete and perfect in all the measurement of its parts, and, so to speak, in all its proper members and senses, admitting no change, no waste of its distinctive property, no variation in its limits.

For example: Our forefathers in the old time sowed wheat in the Church's field. It would be most unmeet and iniquitous if we, their descendants, instead of the genuine truth of corn, should reap the counterfeit error of tares. This rather should be the result,--there should be no discrepancy between the first and the last. From doctrine which was sown as wheat, we should reap, in the increase, doctrine of the same kind--wheat also; so that when in process of time any of the original seed is developed, and now flourishes under cultivation, no change may ensue in the character of the plant. There may supervene shape, form, variation in outward appearance, but the nature of each kind must remain the same. God forbid that those rose-beds of Catholic interpretation should be converted into thorns and thistles. God forbid that in that spiritual paradise from plants of cinnamon and balsam darnel and wolfsbane should of a sudden shoot forth.

Therefore, whatever has been sown by the fidelity of the Fathers in this husbandry of God's Church, the same ought to be cultivated and taken care of by the industry of their children, the same ought to flourish and ripen, the same ought to advance and go forward to perfection. For it is right that those ancient doctrines of heavenly philosophy should, as time goes on, be cared for, smoothed, polished; but not that they should be changed, not that they should be maimed, not that they should be mutilated. They may receive proof, illustration, definiteness; but they must retain withal their completeness, their integrity, their characteristic properties.

For if once this license of impious fraud be admitted, I dread to say in how great danger religion will be of being utterly destroyed and annihilated. For if any one part of Catholic truth be given up, another, and another, and another will thenceforward be given up as a matter of course, and the several individual portions having been rejected, what will follow in the end but the rejection of the whole? On the other hand, if what is new begins to be mingled with what is old, foreign with domestic, profane with sacred, the custom will of necessity creep on universally, till at last the Church will have nothing left untampered with, nothing unadulterated, nothing sound, nothing pure; but where formerly there was a sanctuary of chaste and undefiled truth, thenceforward there will be a brothel of impious and base errors. May God's mercy avert this wickedness from the minds of his servants; be it rather the frenzy of the ungodly.

But the Church of Christ, the careful and watchful guardian of the doctrines deposited in her charge, never changes anything in them, never diminishes, never adds, does not cut off what is necessary, does not add what is superfluous, does not lose her own, does not appropriate what is another's, but while dealing faithfully and judiciously with ancient doctrine, keeps this one object carefully in view,--if there be anything which antiquity has left shapeless and rudimentary, to fashion and polish it, if anything already reduced to shape and developed, to consolidate and strengthen it, if any already ratified and defined to keep and guard it. Finally, what other object have Councils ever aimed at in their decrees, than to provide that what was before believed in simplicity should in future be believed intelligently, that what was before preached coldly should in future be preached earnestly, that what was before practised negligently should thenceforward be practised with double solicitude? This, I say, is what the Catholic Church, roused by the novelties of heretics, has accomplished by the decrees of her Councils,--this, and nothing else,--she has thenceforward consigned to posterity in writing what she had received from those of olden times only by tradition, comprising a great amount of matter in a few words, and often, for the better understanding, designating an old article of the faith by the characteristic of a new name.

on patriotism

The 4th of July draws close. I have fond memories of the 4th, and terrible ones. Fond being fireworks and corndogs and parades. Not so fond...my father's memories of his involvement in Korea and Vietnam, especially his disgust with the way he was treated when he returned, wounded, wearing a purple heart, to an angry America that spat on it's veterans and screamed at him that he was a baby killer. He would ignore the memorial aspect of the 4th, mostl. He always lit fireworks with us kids and smiled at our oohs and ahhs watching the sparks and smoke light up the night sky. He also drank heavily then, and cried. My giant of a father, whose hands are so huge I never understood how he managed to make such fine furniture, would cry.

As a child, I didn't understand why Dad wasn't appreciated. I also didn't understand why he was mad and sad about it, though. I thought maybe it was bitternesss brought on by bad memories of war or, perhaps, just bitterness of old age.

Dad was 17 when he enlisted in the Army, following his older brothers and escaping an abusive, alcoholic father. He met up with his older brother just before he was deployed, and heard stories of Agent Orange falling from the skies on the soldiers. Dad was wounded by shrapnel in his shoulder, and then later in his stomach. He came home with his arm in a sling and his stomach wrapped. His own father told him to get out of his house when he went home. His mother said nothing. He had no place to go. He stayed at halfway houses and lived with his older brother for a short time. He took up drinking, and lived with constant pain and flash-backs. Everywhere he went, his service and subsequent heath and emotional/mental problems were mocked. He skipped from job to job, hating authority and enduring his troubles largely alone.

Imagine coming back from war in your early twenties, sporting a medal and wound, and being completely rejected by your country men. I have heard so many people say that enlisted men and women are tools of the government. Sadly, many are. However, that doesn't make patriotism a crime and honorable service a selfish endeavor. I have met many men and women who enlisted after being recruited at a young and impressionable age, and who mostly enlisted for the benefits the military offers, but who ended up being deployed-and fought honorably in the tradition of American's armed forces. They ended up trying to do their country a service, and had a fierce passion to bring about some good and benefit to the citizens of their country. I see no shame in that. I hated growing up seeing my father's tears, especially when I realized they were not tears of anger or sadness, but tears of shame.

For those who aren't in the military or never have been, the perspective is different. It's much easier to lump individuals (and each soldier, yes, is a real, live human being) into a group and label them as tools than to recognize that we live in a country that devalues the persons that choose military service in an extreme and ugly way. There is a major problem with the "Support the Troops" propagnda, but that is another post altogether that I am not about to make.

Wikipedia statistics:
Some of the United States greatest spending is related to the Armed Forces. As of December 31, 2009 1,421,668 people are on active duty in the military with an additional 848,000 people in the seven reserve components. It is an all volunteer military, however, conscription can be enacted by the request of the President and the approval of Congress. All males, ages 18 through 25, who are living in the U.S. are required to register with the Selective Service for a potential future draft.

The United States military is the second largest in the world, after the People's Liberation Army of China, and has troops deployed around the globe.

The recruitment of young people is a huge campaign. If you're under 25, and haven't been recruited aggressively, where have you been? I almost enlisted in the Air Force, following my sister. I didn't have college options, and was without support -financial or emotional. It wasn't just a "what do I do now, oh, how about boot camp?" ideal. I did spend three years as a teen taking flying lessons with Young Eagles, and listening to the stories of retired military men who participated in the program. My sister and I were from the middle of nowhere, poorly educated, but bright and wanting to get out in the world and get an education. At airshows we were both introduced to recruiters, who would come up and talk to you and treat you like someone worthy. With our interest in flying, and the constant barrage of recruiters with convincing stories, the Air Force seemed a logical choice. We were naive and not aware that becoming a pilot is extremely rare. My sister enlisted and signed the dotted line before she realized this. She didn't regret it, though. As much as we choose our own paths, she chose hers and endured it.

My dad was proud of her. To me, at 14, watching her graduate boot was amazing. She looked like somebody going somewhere. In my little town, and in the surrounding cities, even back in the early 2000's, unemployment was on the rise. Now, it is roughly 20%. I saw the writing on the wall and was ready to get away. The only thing that stopped me from enlisting at 17 was I wanted to be a photographer, and did not realize how much college tuition costs. Also, I wasn't as outgoing as my sister. I was quieter, more contemplative. At 17, I moved out to my sister's off-base apartment to see what the military life was like.

My sister served six years. When she got out of the military, she could barely get a 9.00 an hour job at a daycare. She eventually went back to working as a civlian on base, unable to find a job off-base.

I met my husband during the time I lived with my sister. He was in the Air Force, and also has served in the Air Force Reserves, and the Navy. When we first married, he was unable to find a job in the civilian world as well. It is very hard, as I have seen firsthand, for a person who enlisted right out of high school to acclimate to civilian life. In the military, your needs are provided for, at least, and you're probably making even a little extra. With our country's budget for the armed forces, life in the military (as long as you have contracted out your body to the war machine) is not bad. What is bad is getting out, and realizing that when you aren't directly serving, and therefore immediately deploy-able to a war zone, the government support you receive is vastly less. Living on base, you don't perhaps realize that your service is insignificant to the civilian population at large, who do not notice you or recognize your worth unless you are saving them or standing between them and danger.

I understand that America is a messed up country. I understand that there are greedy, evil politicians that use the military branches as their war toys. I know war is terrible and a standing military isn't the greatest idea this country ever had. The United States has the largest defense budget in the world. Even the most patriotic veteran would probably admit our country has declared war with bad motives and with bad leadership at times.

Being patriotic doesn't have to mean nationalism. While many see the terms as synonymous, I don't agree. Patriotism comes from the Greek word patris, meaning fatherland. Patriotism is not an American invention, ladies and gentlemen. In ancient times, patriotism consisted of notions concerning language, religious traditions, ethics, law, and devotion to the common good, rather than pure identification with a nation-state. Somehow, this idea has been convoluted and diluted, to mean "I love everything the government of my homeland does, says, feels, and thinks." A lot of the problem is that everything and everyone has a new, fantastic label, and no one calls America their homeland. We, as a culture, do not understand the difference between nationalism and patriotism. Welcome to the west and the 19th century. It's not pretty.

Socrates said that "patriotism does not require one to agree with everything that his country does and would actually promote analytical questioning in a quest to make the country the best it possibly can be." I know looking at the current state of the United States makes any smart citizen suddenly unable to draw breath.

Do any of the negatives negate an individuals personal commitment? Just because a significant portion of today's military enlisted are people willingly serving for awful reasons doesn't mean the ones who hold strongly to old ways instead of irrational ideals should be degraded.

I am damn proud of my Dad. I know he served with pure intentions, and I know his patriotism was one that breathed devotion to humanity and beneficence. He was ruined by his naive intentions. He's in his middle sixties, and still reeling from the effects. He saved lives, and saved women and children, risked his life for a people across the world. He has the scars to prove it.

My husband does not bear outward physical scars. He willingly and passionately served, proud to defend his homeland and in love with the idea of what she was/can be. He served in a new century, one where the patriotic paradox is all too apparent. Every country is fighting for something, and war has changed drastically in the last 200 years. It is not the same animal, in fact, it's more a zombie, plodding forward mercilessly.

In the United States, patriotic history has been criticized for de-emphasizing the post-Colombian depopulation, the Atlantic slave trade, slavery, racial segregation, the population expulsions and the wars of conquest against Native Americans, and etc. Is the individual man supposed to take the blame for the entire civilization and it's downfalls? Those who served deserve to stand up and be thanked. They deserve to be proud that they made a sacrifice of their lives that was not required. Many have done so freely and with honor. Too many have lost their lives entirely.

I am not going to hate the person who holds tenaciously to patriotism. I refuse to categorize them as nationalists and despise them all for idealisms a few hold. When someday one of them defends my life, I'll know that I did not despise them, as much as I did not despise the factory worker, the judge, the waitress, and every other citizen who made their living in the best way they knew how.

I love my fatherland. It is this nation, this America, great and ugly as she may be. I was born here, I live here, and I am raising my children here. I don't wear "I love America" t-shirts, and I don't squeal in delight at the sight of our country's leaders. But I hope. There is no shame in hoping for better times. I hope someday my patriotism will be strengthened by adherence to a native religion, particularly because such a community usually has its holy places inside its fatherland.

Lord, have mercy.