Two years is such a short time.

My son is two tomorrow. My firstborn, my delightful boy. He is truly a blessing- I believe with my whole being (however much that comprises) that God gave him to me. I would whisper against his forehead every night when he was falling asleep, up until the time he was around a year, "Thank you, Lord, for this child." I still do, but Elijah's own prayer of "Dank joo Sheshus" is more than sufficent. I was broken hearted after he was born and I realized I did had not done anything for the Lord that could be counted in return for what He had given me in my own son. I've learned more in the last two years than in any other time of my life, and I've never been more thankful, and never felt a greater need for God's guidance.

Elijah's first two years have been the best two years. He's recently a big brother, and in that he amazes me as well. God has given him a countenance beyond what I hoped for. He's happy, tough, and loving. He is very excited about turning two, mostly because he was promised those wooden swords, an axe, and a shield. And cake. The boy can eat.

I cannot wait to teach him to read.

Before bed I was laying beside Eli and we had this jolly conversation:
"Do you know you'll be two tomorrow?"
"Yeah?"
"Yes, two years old!"
(he here held up one finger from each hand and laughed) "Two!"

He thought for a moment and then asked me, "Sword?"
I had showed him what we were ordering for him earlier in the month.
"Yes, you can have your sword."
"Shield?"
"Yes, that too."
"Oh! ....Axe?"
"Yep!"
"Oh, oh! ...ball?"
"No, we didn't get you a ball."
"No ball?"
"No, not this time."
"Ball?"
"No ball."
"....Football?"
"No."
".....no sword?"
"We got you a sword."
"Ok. No ball?"
"No!"
"No football?"
"No football."
"Watch football?"
"It's not Buckeyes season."
"Oh! Sword, shield, axe?"
"Yes, those."
"Good! Cake?"
"Yes, we can bake a little cake."
"Little? No big?"
"No, just a small one."
"Ok. Sword, shield, axe, big cake?"
"Sword, shield, axe, little cake."
"Oh...big ca-"
"Go to sleep!"
"Sword?"
"Yes!"
"Two?"
"Yes!"
"Shield?"
"Goodnight!"

Who can understand it?

From an experience lately, I took a second look at my children. I looked at them and loved them because they most of the time show me respect. They listen most of the time when I speak. They love their mother and father, and their siblings. They have just met some new friends who astounded me with their behavior and attitude towards their parents and any sort of rule. Now, I must add that these are the type of children that spend more of their time in front of a television (and yes, they have full cable channels in their bedrooms on their own televisions) than in any other way. They did not seem to understand when my children suggested imaginative play, and hadn't heard of the books my children are so interested in reenacting when they play. In fact, there weren't books in their household that I noticed. Unless you count the self help manuals laying around with the stacks of DVDs.

Lord, have mercy. I'm saddened at the disrespect they showed their parents. The children were the rulers of the household, by tantrums, demands, and know-it-all remarks that it makes me cringe to hear from a child. Why would you want your children that spending more time trying to manipulate you then they spend being children? What a miserable existance. By "being children" I mean playing, reading, dressing up, and most important: sitting quietly and listening, learning. My daughter is loud by nature, and too inquisitive to control herself at times, but for the most part she understands she is a child, and does not masquerade as Caesar. We've had countless instances where our children act like kids and overstep their bounds, but they meet swift correction. We're not the best parents, not the smartest parents all the time. But by and large, we're a happy family and enjoy being together. I couldn't stand my children if we had allowed them to let their sin nature run away with them. Children need guidance and they require a lot of one on one time. It's exhausting, it's frustrating, it gets old--but there is joy when they choose right. When they do not speak ill of their mother to friends. When they stop and consider right and wrong before they act.

I don't know what is happening that children are being raised in such a way. Have children become another thing that keeps adults from their busy fast paced lives? Put it in its room with the television on and go have your time? Stuff them with fast food and send them off to fight it out in the bedroom? How will they learn how to be good people, strong people, people that I would like to see raising the next generation?

Children are not a commoditity. They're not something cute to have around. They are sons and daughters of God, they are human and difficult. Children are also blessings given to us by the Most High. Why would anyone want to squander that?

Wooden toys update

We recieved the package from rentoys.com, and I have nothing but good things to say. The swords are nicely made, lightweight, the axe is quite lovely and also light, and the shield is plenty small enough for my son to run around with. They're almost as light as the plastic toys he's had, but unpainted pine, obviously hand sanded...lovely toys.

I have a feeling my heart will be glad to see him playing with hand-made toys instead of plastic junk. And these should definitely last longer! He's rough on his things. Like a good boy should be.

Education at the kitchen table

"What was it that Mary said in response to the announcement?" I hear my husband asking.

"And why did she answer in thst way?"

And something happens, their faces light with understanding, and an answer is given that you can't believe these little children are able to perceive... Then you realize that you have taught them something that is going to form the rest of their lives. Forget carrying them in your womb, forget giving birth to them. They don't remember that, but these things we're teaching them around the kitchen table, these are the things that will shape their decisions, birth their futures, and bring forth in them what is great and good.

Homeschooling isn't always easy, or fun. A parent has to find how their child learns, and what they are interested in learning, and recognize when they just want to go be kids. But when it clicks, when you find the right way to speak and the words to use...you're suddenly not only a parent but a teacher. Even if you know very little on the grand scale, you know everything to your kids. Wow, Mom, you're smart! It makes me laugh when they say things like that. And laughter is what makes a household.

We started out homeschooling not knowing what the heck we were doing, or how to do it, or really what it meant. We're grown a lot since then, and even in the hardest moments we've begun to realize that this is something special. I can't imagine not being the one to teach my children to read, showing them the depths of history, the complexity and simplicity of numbers, the beauty of God's Word. It gets you when you share something with them that if they were away in school you might not have them there to turn to and explain to. Then, when they come running to you to share something they think they've just discovered and want to return the favor, you're floored. We're teaching more than math and reading, without intentionally doing so, while teaching math and reading!

Homeschooling is more than just teaching your children at home. In teaching them, you learn more about yourself, about your failings, and your successes. Somehow you end up relearning a few things, and you learn them with a deeper understanding. You learn the understanding of a child, something that is pure because is not not tainted with worldliness. Children are fascinated by everything new, excited about everything they grasp, and they fail very well, able to get back on the horse and try again with open eyes and open hearts.

I don't know if we'll homeschool through twelfth grade. I don't love it every day. But I thank God for this opportunity, for these children, and for His guidance when my husband and I teach them. May they not stray from it.

For my youngest son's birthday, we've ordered some hand made wooden toys from here: http://www.rentoys.com/aboutus.html. Our little man is a warrior enthusiast, obsessed with knives, swords, axes, shields, etc. I found this family while hunting for a place to get him something durable. I've exchanged emails with the family and they seem a good sort.

I'll post on the quality of the toys when we recieve them.

I might expand on this later...

Eternity matters. God matters, being His child and living forever in His kingdom matters.

But here, on Earth, not much ends up feeling anything near glorious. So many things end up misunderstood or misconscrued. Then there are others.

People.
And all the things we enjoy together, the same things Jesus outlined in the Beatitudes. Whether mourning, or rejoicing, this life God has given us is rich and beautiful in so many ways. How much more beautiful, then, will heaven be? I cannot imagine.

Glory be to thee, Lord Christ.

Self

I got to thinking today about all the things we do to preserve our lives. We take many precautions, and are constantly on the lookout for new ways to make our lives safer, better, and longer. Self preservation is instinctual. We want easier lives, too. I even bought Steamfresh veggies to cut down cooking time and lessen cleanup. Because cleaning a pan you steamed veggies in is really tough work. But in defense they were on sale at Snucks, 10 for 10. That's really not bad at all.



You'll have to get used to my knack for meandering off subject randomly.



Anyways, let's talk about our Saviour. I heard a homily yesterday about making Him greater and ourselves lesser. Where does that fall into self-perservation? How much of a Christian's dedication is to self preservation (because who wants to end up in hell)? What deep seated reasons do I have for being a follower of the Most High? I suppose in the end I want God to see in me a clean heart, one that loves Him and His kingdom more than I love myself and this world. Striving for that end, I know I'll be saying the sinner's prayer more times than can be counted. I'll spend time concerned with my livelihood, my health, my needs, my wants.

The Jesus I see in the Bible didn't dwell on self preservation. His needs and wants were the last thing on His mind. The Jesus that died for all of mankind did not try to make His time here easier. In fact, everything He did in His life drew him closer to a terrible death. From His ministry and great sermons down to simple every day things like eating and breathing and sleeping, Jesus continually drew closer to an expected end. He wasn't going to live a long life. In the eyes of the world, His life was largely unsuccessful. Every step forward He took, doing his Father's will, took Him deeper into a destiny of being hated, denied, and crucified.

I know I am a weak and awful sinner when I think about Christ and what He did, knowingly, for me. For you. The only man who has ever and will ever spend every morning of a short life resolved to die for an unappreciative people is the Son of God. No mere man would have spent so long and fought so hard, only God would do that. Only He is capable of such sacrifice, such selflessness.

Before I was a Christian, I thought it was suicide. Now, I know it was genocide, a systematic extermination of a race of sinners. What died was sin, what lived was light and life. Sin is still dying, and light is still living. Again, and again, and again, saying be holy, as your Father in heaven is holy. Thanks be to God.

Process of reasoning

Why not start a blog? I suppose it's an exercise in the human need to be heard.

I'm not too concerned about being heard, though writing is relaxing in my experience, and in the event that the little ones are all resting at once I might jot some thoughts down.