A few impromptu happenings and notices lately have me a bit on edge. Not to say I am fearful or nervous, exactly, but everything seems to have a general roughing around the edges, metaphorically speaking.
It's a funny thing we do: choosing to concentrate on the present closely and intimately in order to avoid thoughts of future happenings. The unknown is looming, and I find myself pushing away any daydreams of what it will be like. Wait and see sounds a lot better than speculation at this point.
The military spouse. It's a strange title to assign to myself. I've been living and participating in the active duty lifestyle before, so it feels familiar. Familiarity, however, doesn't always refer to positive aspects. These terms that have come up feel cold and defunct; deployment, custody, and other words that reek of sterilized social distinction. I don't appreciate these words. They don't belong.
I'm meditating very selfishly on one principle idea: may this cup be passed. I know in comparison, my possible lot would be incomparably the lesser, so, carefully, not as I will, but as you will. Truth be told I would feel more secure omitting the last part. Let's just pass the cup, I am not a good candidate, surely there's one more deserving of this test...anything that can sneak me under the radar. But there it is, insistant, causing a need to prepare. To surrender to an authority that is mysterious, to morph plaintive questioning into willful obediance.
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