what I love

It gets to me that so much of what my children must learn to survive in this world is technological. It is the poor man who doesn't know computers and other electronics, and doesn't have an ability to utilize these advances. You can't do much daily without having access to technologies.

I'm no genius. However, I know plenty of things well. Sadly to me, it seems that more and more of what I know is obsolete. I try to show my kids, they listen because I love simple things so fervently and they seem to recognize that there is an importance, perhaps archaic, in what I rant about- but they are just as impressed by new technologies as I am.

Lately, I've been experiencing a real end of the school year burnout. Also, starting back to college is looming. I encounter women who hate working, and would kill to stay home with their kids. I'm doing that, and I could continue. There is no need for school, no need for a job. If my husband was injured or worse, I would be in trouble with four children to support. Even with life insurances and family who I know would help me (I think...), there is still that underlying, passionate need I have to be able to support my children if need be. I've worked jobs that could support a family before, I've had three jobs at once, so I am no stranger to hard work. I've made much more than minimum wage, even though I haven't worked since I was twenty.

I don't even have to get a job immediately after finishing school, but it seems the normal way of things and I don't know how strongly I will be able to fight against it.

What do I know? I know that a degree in elementary education is largely a joke. I also know that degree would be sufficient to battle legislation against homeschooling parents who have only a high school diploma. I know that I don't need a degree to survive. Letters mean nothing to me. They mean everything to the world I live in. Get a degree in anything, underwater basket-weaving, and then you have that "bachelor's level or higher" box you can check. That's what we call education. We have made education too expensive, then made it a requirement. It's the way of the world today.

I realize more and more not everyone is cut out for higher education. In some ways, I don't think many college pursuits are even beneficial. But everyone must conform. What is there to be anymore for my sons if they aren't intellectuals?



I don't say to my kids, "Look, here is a tree and here grow the roots." I say, "Here is the computer, you must learn to type quickly and to navigate the internet." I don't say, "Look at the animal. Learn how it lives and dies, it is going to sustain you." I say, "Pick up that package of ground meat from the shelf. Cook it over the gas flame. If you don't want to cook, go to the drive-through." I don't say, "The seeds must be three inches deep." I say, "It's faster to open a can, quickly, because we have things to do." I don't say, "We can make this." I watch their first conclusion to needing something form, which they express, "We need to go to the store and buy one."

Because we have things to do. I don't want to do any of those things. I want to sit down with my children in the dirt and light a fire and sing and listen to the wind and watch the stars and love them more- because all too soon we will all be that dirt beneath us.

Damn it all.

How do I teach them to love God? His creation is all around us and we do not love it.

I want to go hiking. The asphalt is getting to me.