calling out beauty

My family is considered a big family already, and we have another baby on the way. When I first found out I was pregnant, I balked. Not that I didn't want the baby-far from that. I did panic a little wondering how it would work. My first thought was "Can I handle 5 children?" and that was dismissed as silly pretty quickly: we already have 4. What's one more? Then I thought how we already have two kids in each small bedroom of our house. I panicked about logistics, not about a new baby. When I was 17, 18, and then freshly married, I was thinking very differently about how big our family would be. I was sure I'd have just one or two kids, but I also thought sometimes that without my two siblings growing up life would have been (and would be now) very lonely. Now, I don't know what we're going to do about space. Bunk beds with a trundle? Triple bunks? Yet, that doesn't matter much. In the grand scheme of things, it doesn't matter if we don't have a room for everyone- it only matters that we have room in our hearts. I know that sounds cheesy, but it's true. We've gotten past the fears together, most of them, and everyone is rejoicing on every step of the way toward our new family member. The baby has really started to move, not just flutters, and I am ecstatic dreaming about him/her. Finishing college...I don't care if it takes forever. My husband's job...well, we've always had what we needed even if we had to wait.






We bought our first piece of furniture last night, a couch. We've always had hand-me-downs. There is nothing wrong with hand-me-downs and thrift store furniture, but we've been saving for something new and it's exciting to go pick something. When we were both working, we had a friend who worked at one of of those rent-a-center places and rented some couches for a short time. We realized how dumb that was pretty quickly, and even though we'd wanted to help our friend make sales, financially we were throwing money to the wind.






We went into the furniture store as we usually do our shopping, with all four kids. It's sometimes frustrating when the kids aren't patient but we love being together. Since we stopped homeschooling, we are not all together as much, and miss it. The furniture salesmen watched us walk in, and I know they were thinking, "Oh, crap." The kids had fun trying all the chairs and couches with us. We finally asked for a salesman to come over after looking around. We had actually been there before, left, and checked two other stores and then came back. Most of the stores had all leather or durablend, or fake leather. I cannot stand the look of leather, the feel of it...the durablend was a little better, but still ugly. This store had a corduroy looking fabric couch. They had some microsuedes but I don't really like those either. That overstuffed look is strange to me. We came back to this particular store because they offer a protection plan (who knew you could insure a couch) where if the couch gets something spilled on it, or a rip, you call a tech to come out and either replace a cushion, or if they can't replace a part, replace the couch.






The salesman that came over shook hands with all of us, and said hi to all the kids. He was probably younger than my husband, winked constantly, and was pretty funny. He was honest with us, and explained why most fabric couches are junk when you have kids. We were shown leather looking couches that wouldn't stain, and with protection plans in case they tore. He told us about his two year old son, and when we got to talking he asked if the kids were all ours. He said he had three siblings, but two were from his parent's previous marriage, and he shrugged, "You know, that doesn't count because two of them weren't around a lot." That isn't the case in our mixed family, but I think we have a unique situation in that our older two are with us 90% of the year. We don't explain to strangers usually, and just said they are all ours. When he noticed I am pregnant, he starting laughing, and shaking his head, repeatedly saying, "That is so funny! Wow! Amazing." My husband and I exchanged glances and grins at the man's amazement. Since we know couples with far more children than us, five doesn't sound like that much.






It's funny: I know this astounded behavior at the concept of large families is normal. In our society, and in the society I was raised in, a large family was a thing of the past. Sure, great-grandma had ten kids, but that was before people had ways to control their family size. It's that word -control- that shakes us. We don't want to just have kid after kid. More women than not don't even consider breastfeeding, and certainly not long term, so family size isn't controlled naturally in that way. We want our 4 or five years of marriage free and clear before having children. We are told to have a certain lifestyle before having kids, ya know, no debt, a sizable house with an office and a guest room and a craft or "man" room, cars bought outright or paid off, etc. The fact is, having most of those things early in life means you had an understanding of finances that most young people don't, you never made mistakes, or you were born into an affluent family that has provided them for you. Or, you worked your behind off and didn't have time for starting a family. When our whole existence is concentrated on creating our particular brand of comfort, the things that really make a life are pushed away, and called obsolete. Honestly, it doesn't matter how many Apple products you own, reader. At some point, you have to come to terms with the fact that technology is not our future. Our children are. Yet, we exist in a world where we're constantly assaulted.






At the obstetrician's office, every advertisement you see says something like "Ready to take control of your life?" "Have the perfect family and want to stop?" "Have children when you want them-no accidents!" It is this idea that our life is under our control that corrupts us, I am convinced. When we think it's all up to us, we're fooling ourselves.






Having a big family has just become our way of living. It's not something we spend time dwelling upon. What we can't have, or won't be able to do, is becoming less and less important. My husband has a stable job, for now, and I don't have to work. We have what we need and more. I think sometimes I wouldn't be so optimistic if work had been harder for him to find, or if we were really poverty level and couldn't afford insurance and had to take food stamps. Fortunately, in the state we live in, aid is there and you can get it if you need it. It's sad that a big family usually means welfare in the United States, but hey. You do what you have to, and it shouldn't be assumed that accepting aid means you're a lazy slob. My own father didn't have the experience or education to find work anywhere but in a factory or in construction. I respect his struggles to provide for us more than any desk jockey who thinks they work hard to earn their money. I grew up on welfare off and on, and I understand that not everyone takes aid because they are truly not able to earn enough to survive in our economy. It is evil, however, to use that knowledge to judge who should receive. Christ himself says to give to those who need it without scrutinizing who really has a need.






I recently came across this quote from Metropolitan Anthony of Sourozh: "Unless we look at a person and see the beauty there, we can contribute nothing to him. One does not help a person by discerning what is wrong, what is ugly, what is distorted. Christ looked at everyone he met, at the prostitute, at the thief, and saw the beauty hidden there. Perhaps it was distorted, perhaps damaged, but it was beauty none the less, and what he did was to call out this beauty."






I doubt this quote is to make us think of the homeless or down and out person that we don't know exclusively. I think we are to also look at our extended families, spouses, children, priests, and friends.






Maybe, even, we should look at ourselves and try to call out the beauty there.