26 May 2011
23 May 2011
boating and other stuff, like pregnancy
I've heard this notion that becoming Catholic after being Protestant, you swim the Tiber. I find anyone who thinks it's a rigorous swim to be a dolt. If they say "wade the Tiber", I'm all for it. If you've been a member of the Orthodox church, and decide to be Catholic, you might want to cut the swim and the wade from your hyperbole. Then it's more like floating on an overly prepared and comfortable raft. Let us not look a gift horse in the mouth, or something like that. To be fair, you're also a dolt if you are Orthodox and think your piety is !AWESOME! and are depending on public motions and the right phrases it to get you through.
It's the things in life that you don't know that sting and nag constantly, and drag at your will. You know those anchors. The things you work to know, and work to follow, mostly feel complacent much faster than you're comfortable with. Initial zeal is particularly dangerous, and full of the kind of emotion that sinks ships which otherwise, not burdened with the weight, could have weathered the storm. I've done zeal, too many times, and looked to have it in too many places. I haven't found exhaustion within Orthodoxy. There is a fullness that is emotional, physical, spiritual, and that isn't rigid and inflexible. Though, goodness, there are plenty of cons in Orthodoxy. They're endless and perfection in worship and prayer in any church filled with other people who aren't yourself-exactly cloned and unchanging-is going to be rough and ugly. I'd probably find my cloned and perfect selves annoying after a while, anyway. Pretending the congregation of persons you worship alongside are going to be the kind you really prefer and don't struggle to identify with is a sad joke. I've tried many places and many denominations looking for something unbroken. I won't say that in Orthodoxy I've found some gleaming palace of perfection. That would be a lie and a gross mistake if I thought so, especially after where we've been in the world of religion. I think the church is my mother but I haven't really had good luck in mothers. Good thing Doubting Thomas wasn't voted off. There is hope.
I do know playing The Angel Cried for my daughters as they fall asleep is good. The one time my littlest daughter will release her favorite thumb from her mouth and passively cross her tiny arms over her chest is to receive the bread of life, and that is good. The way the similarly roving morning sun moves over the halos of the icons and draws your wandering eye is good. The new baby held up in the sign of the cross and marched to the altar is good. Praying ceaselessly for the dead is good. Doing things that make your pathetic soul uncomfortable is good. Whatever is good and profitable for your soul...
I have all these little fragments. A few of them gleam. A few of them are rusted. I'm going to keep trucking along until I don't look for the gleam and I don't notice the rust.
Enough with the boating metaphors, already. However, the best way to boat is in a well tested and worn canoe on a small, placid lake (even better if it has navigable tributaries for when you get bored) that is shallow, well-known, and full of easily caught bluegills. Too bad we all pine for the colossal yacht in the middle of the rolling Pacific with the whale beneath waiting to swallow us.
It's 5:28 am and I have been up for hours trying to sleep. Haven't slept in days. The end of pregnancy is rough.
Then comes the infant stage again. It helps that my babies are the cutest things on the planet, but jeez oh pete at this point I could use about 5 years of make-up rest.
It's the things in life that you don't know that sting and nag constantly, and drag at your will. You know those anchors. The things you work to know, and work to follow, mostly feel complacent much faster than you're comfortable with. Initial zeal is particularly dangerous, and full of the kind of emotion that sinks ships which otherwise, not burdened with the weight, could have weathered the storm. I've done zeal, too many times, and looked to have it in too many places. I haven't found exhaustion within Orthodoxy. There is a fullness that is emotional, physical, spiritual, and that isn't rigid and inflexible. Though, goodness, there are plenty of cons in Orthodoxy. They're endless and perfection in worship and prayer in any church filled with other people who aren't yourself-exactly cloned and unchanging-is going to be rough and ugly. I'd probably find my cloned and perfect selves annoying after a while, anyway. Pretending the congregation of persons you worship alongside are going to be the kind you really prefer and don't struggle to identify with is a sad joke. I've tried many places and many denominations looking for something unbroken. I won't say that in Orthodoxy I've found some gleaming palace of perfection. That would be a lie and a gross mistake if I thought so, especially after where we've been in the world of religion. I think the church is my mother but I haven't really had good luck in mothers. Good thing Doubting Thomas wasn't voted off. There is hope.
I do know playing The Angel Cried for my daughters as they fall asleep is good. The one time my littlest daughter will release her favorite thumb from her mouth and passively cross her tiny arms over her chest is to receive the bread of life, and that is good. The way the similarly roving morning sun moves over the halos of the icons and draws your wandering eye is good. The new baby held up in the sign of the cross and marched to the altar is good. Praying ceaselessly for the dead is good. Doing things that make your pathetic soul uncomfortable is good. Whatever is good and profitable for your soul...
I have all these little fragments. A few of them gleam. A few of them are rusted. I'm going to keep trucking along until I don't look for the gleam and I don't notice the rust.
Enough with the boating metaphors, already. However, the best way to boat is in a well tested and worn canoe on a small, placid lake (even better if it has navigable tributaries for when you get bored) that is shallow, well-known, and full of easily caught bluegills. Too bad we all pine for the colossal yacht in the middle of the rolling Pacific with the whale beneath waiting to swallow us.
It's 5:28 am and I have been up for hours trying to sleep. Haven't slept in days. The end of pregnancy is rough.
Then comes the infant stage again. It helps that my babies are the cutest things on the planet, but jeez oh pete at this point I could use about 5 years of make-up rest.
18 May 2011
I think then that we're doing ok.
Value of Afflictions
"This is the will of the Holy Spirit, to be His beloved in continual reality. The Spirit of God does not dwell in those who live in rest because the Most-Good God wished that His beloved servants should not have rest in this life, but rather live in suffering, difficulties, worries, poverty, and nakedness, in solitude and debts, in sicknesses and defamations, in battles and crushing of heart, with sickly body and image detested by others, in a state which does not compare to other people's, and a lonely, peaceful, and quiet dwelling, completely invisible to men and free of anything that produces earthly consolation. Therefore, these people weep, and the world laughs; these sigh, but the world enjoys; these fast, but the world amuses itself. During the day, they wear themselves out; and, during the night, they prepare for deprivation. There are some who offer themselves to weariness voluntarily and also submit to afflictions; some are persecuted, while others were killed, and some hid in cellars. In them was fulfilled the word that says, "You will have afflictions, but in Me you will have joy," because the Lord knows that the ones who live in rest cannot remain in His love. Therefore, Christ the Saviour has prevented these from rest and satisfaction. He Whose love is more powerful than death of the body wanted to show also in us the power of His love. Amen."
11 May 2011
Oh good grief.
A distant friend of mine, who is my age, recently posted this link on her facebook, and heartily agreed with it's contents:http://shine.yahoo.com/channel/parenting/i-gave-birth-of-course-i-want-a-gift-in-defense-of-the-push-present-2482207. Wondering what in the world a push present was (I like traditions), I clicked and began reading. From the first sentence, I was annoyed. What a strange and ugly thought...I deserve more than just a baby after all that. It's not an idea I've ever had, through two births and on my way to a third. I hope that if my husband ever heard me demand a gift for having his baby, he would give me a good slap. Ugh, what a way to start out motherhood- selfish and demanding.
This article is along the same lines much of what I see from women regarding childbirth, pregnancy, and sex. It's all looked at as a chore, a pain in the backside, a real degrading experience, embarrassing, you name it. I have complaints during pregnancy, don't get me wrong- I'm no saint. But I've never felt anything like, "It's my body, and this baby is ruining it!" or any other similar thing. I am also lucky, I have a good husband and family who are excited to meet the new baby. I don't have to work, I don't have to worry much at all. I do have 4 other children, but we have fairly established routines, they're mostly good, well-behaved kids, and life isn't that rough.
I know I speak from a bit of a polished place, and I am very thankful for my home-mommy life, yet I don't know what it will take for the majority of women who have not so bad situations themselves to love their babies and the miracle that is the power of their bodies in pregnancy and childbirth. Why aren't we women taught to revere the short time of our pregnancy? It is a hard job but an experience that can't be matched. With healthy habits, and proper care (which should be mostly hands off!), pregnancy can be enjoyable and sweet. I think we have too many ultrasounds, too many tests, too many stresses from inexperienced doctors who want to schedule the birth of a child around their work schedule.
I hate, hate, hate that childbirth is proposed as this terrible, scary, stressful, ugly time that everyone wants to get past quickly with no discomfort whatsoever. There is little reverence for the ability of the female body to peacefully bring forth a child without induction, C-section, drugs, or any other "helps". Many women have no idea there are many exercises to tone the body for childbirth. The hospital environment is many times stressful on new moms, and that is why I advocate midwives in the home. I don't go to a midwife, never have and probably never will, but after experiencing a hospital birth with my first child, and being filled with fear from it, I don't want that for any new mom. There's a clinical feeling to hospital birth, and a "you don't know what to do so just take some drugs and get it over with" air about the whole thing. There is little space for natural, peaceful childbirth. I have been lucky that my OB is a saint of a woman, and one hell of a fighter. She makes sure I get what I want, like a walking monitor, the ability to move around, no suggestions of epidurals, etc. With my daughter's birth, which from hospital entrance to her entrance into the world lasted two hours, I was asked if I was Asian. It became apparent that this was because Asian women are calm and quiet in childbirth. Perhaps they are taught to trust their bodies, I don't know. When I was at 8 cm and smiling and talking, experiencing little pain, the staff was in disbelief. There must have been 7 staff members in the room to see a natural childbirth.
The article above says that most women don't ever push in childbirth, anyway. They're unable to reach that point, uneducated about how it works, and terrified of having to feel discomfort. I find this very, very sad. Giving birth is one of the things I've done that I know is one of the only things I've done unselfishly and with great thankfulness to God. It is immensely filling, empowering, whatever the self help books are all looking for- understanding how your body is able to grow a baby, and how each day prepares that baby to enter the world, then bringing that new life into the world...what other gift could compare?
How ugly, also, is this quotation:
"Honestly, I think that much too little respect and appreciation is placed on mothers, not only by partners but also by children and others around her. Why not take a couple minutes of your time to brainstorm a thoughtful gift to show your partner or wife how much you truly appreciate the miracle she has worked so hard to give you?
This article is along the same lines much of what I see from women regarding childbirth, pregnancy, and sex. It's all looked at as a chore, a pain in the backside, a real degrading experience, embarrassing, you name it. I have complaints during pregnancy, don't get me wrong- I'm no saint. But I've never felt anything like, "It's my body, and this baby is ruining it!" or any other similar thing. I am also lucky, I have a good husband and family who are excited to meet the new baby. I don't have to work, I don't have to worry much at all. I do have 4 other children, but we have fairly established routines, they're mostly good, well-behaved kids, and life isn't that rough.
I know I speak from a bit of a polished place, and I am very thankful for my home-mommy life, yet I don't know what it will take for the majority of women who have not so bad situations themselves to love their babies and the miracle that is the power of their bodies in pregnancy and childbirth. Why aren't we women taught to revere the short time of our pregnancy? It is a hard job but an experience that can't be matched. With healthy habits, and proper care (which should be mostly hands off!), pregnancy can be enjoyable and sweet. I think we have too many ultrasounds, too many tests, too many stresses from inexperienced doctors who want to schedule the birth of a child around their work schedule.
I hate, hate, hate that childbirth is proposed as this terrible, scary, stressful, ugly time that everyone wants to get past quickly with no discomfort whatsoever. There is little reverence for the ability of the female body to peacefully bring forth a child without induction, C-section, drugs, or any other "helps". Many women have no idea there are many exercises to tone the body for childbirth. The hospital environment is many times stressful on new moms, and that is why I advocate midwives in the home. I don't go to a midwife, never have and probably never will, but after experiencing a hospital birth with my first child, and being filled with fear from it, I don't want that for any new mom. There's a clinical feeling to hospital birth, and a "you don't know what to do so just take some drugs and get it over with" air about the whole thing. There is little space for natural, peaceful childbirth. I have been lucky that my OB is a saint of a woman, and one hell of a fighter. She makes sure I get what I want, like a walking monitor, the ability to move around, no suggestions of epidurals, etc. With my daughter's birth, which from hospital entrance to her entrance into the world lasted two hours, I was asked if I was Asian. It became apparent that this was because Asian women are calm and quiet in childbirth. Perhaps they are taught to trust their bodies, I don't know. When I was at 8 cm and smiling and talking, experiencing little pain, the staff was in disbelief. There must have been 7 staff members in the room to see a natural childbirth.
The article above says that most women don't ever push in childbirth, anyway. They're unable to reach that point, uneducated about how it works, and terrified of having to feel discomfort. I find this very, very sad. Giving birth is one of the things I've done that I know is one of the only things I've done unselfishly and with great thankfulness to God. It is immensely filling, empowering, whatever the self help books are all looking for- understanding how your body is able to grow a baby, and how each day prepares that baby to enter the world, then bringing that new life into the world...what other gift could compare?
How ugly, also, is this quotation:
"Honestly, I think that much too little respect and appreciation is placed on mothers, not only by partners but also by children and others around her. Why not take a couple minutes of your time to brainstorm a thoughtful gift to show your partner or wife how much you truly appreciate the miracle she has worked so hard to give you?
Seeing a third surgical delivery in the next 10 days of my life and knowing this is our last child and that all my husband has done to bring them into the world is sex … yeah! That warrants a gift!"
I guess real women should be disgusted with their bodies, their babies, and their husbands. Good grief. What a crazy world we're living in.
06 May 2011
whether you like it or not
Perhaps the must valuable result of all education is the ability to make yourself do the thing you have to do, when it ought to be done, whether you like it or not; it is the first lesson that ought to be learned; and however early a man’s training begins, it is probably the last lesson that he learns thoroughly.
~Thomas H. Huxley, 1825-1895
(because once or twice that Darwin's bulldog agnostic said things that made sense)
~Thomas H. Huxley, 1825-1895
(because once or twice that Darwin's bulldog agnostic said things that made sense)
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