Oh good grief.

A distant friend of mine, who is my age, recently posted this link on her facebook, and heartily agreed with it's contents:http://shine.yahoo.com/channel/parenting/i-gave-birth-of-course-i-want-a-gift-in-defense-of-the-push-present-2482207. Wondering what in the world a push present was (I like traditions), I clicked and began reading. From the first sentence, I was annoyed. What a strange and ugly thought...I deserve more than just a baby after all that. It's not an idea I've ever had, through two births and on my way to a third. I hope that if my husband ever heard me demand a gift for having his baby, he would give me a good slap. Ugh, what a way to start out motherhood- selfish and demanding. 


This article is along the same lines much of what I see from women regarding childbirth, pregnancy, and sex. It's all looked at as a chore, a pain in the backside, a real degrading experience, embarrassing, you name it. I have complaints during pregnancy, don't get me wrong- I'm no saint. But I've never felt anything like, "It's my body, and this baby is ruining it!" or any other similar thing. I am also lucky, I have a good husband and family who are excited to meet the new baby. I don't have to work, I don't have to worry much at all. I do have 4 other children, but we have fairly established routines, they're mostly good, well-behaved kids, and life isn't that rough. 


I know I speak from a bit of a polished place, and I am very thankful for my home-mommy life, yet I don't know what it will take for the majority of women who have not so bad situations themselves to love their babies and the miracle that is the power of their bodies in pregnancy and childbirth. Why aren't we women taught to revere the short time of our pregnancy? It is a hard job but an experience that can't be matched. With healthy habits, and proper care (which should be mostly hands off!), pregnancy can be enjoyable and sweet. I think we have too many ultrasounds, too many tests, too many stresses from inexperienced doctors who want to schedule the birth of a child around their work schedule. 


I hate, hate, hate that childbirth is proposed as this terrible, scary, stressful, ugly time that everyone wants to get past quickly with no discomfort whatsoever. There is little reverence for the ability of the female body to peacefully bring forth a child without induction, C-section, drugs, or any other "helps". Many women have no idea there are many exercises to tone the body for childbirth. The hospital environment is many times stressful on new moms, and that is why I advocate midwives in the home. I don't go to a midwife, never have and probably never will, but after experiencing a hospital birth with my first child, and being filled with fear from it, I don't want that for any new mom. There's a clinical feeling to hospital birth, and a "you don't know what to do so just take some drugs and get it over with" air about the whole thing. There is little space for natural, peaceful childbirth. I have been lucky that my OB is a saint of a woman, and one hell of a fighter. She makes sure I get what I want, like a walking monitor, the ability to move around, no suggestions of epidurals, etc. With my daughter's birth, which from hospital entrance to her entrance into the world lasted two hours, I was asked if I was Asian. It became apparent that this was because Asian women are calm and quiet in childbirth. Perhaps they are taught to trust their bodies, I don't know. When I was at 8 cm and smiling and talking, experiencing little pain, the staff was in disbelief. There must have been 7 staff members in the room to see a natural childbirth. 


The article above says that most women don't ever push in childbirth, anyway. They're unable to reach that point, uneducated about how it works, and terrified of having to feel discomfort. I find this very, very sad. Giving birth is one of the things I've done that I know is one of the only things I've done unselfishly and with great thankfulness to God. It is immensely filling, empowering, whatever the self help books are all looking for- understanding how your body is able to grow a baby, and how each day prepares that baby to enter the world, then bringing that new life into the world...what other gift could compare? 


How ugly, also, is this quotation: 


"Honestly, I think that much too little respect and appreciation is placed on mothers, not only by partners but also by children and others around her. Why not take a couple minutes of your time to brainstorm a thoughtful gift to show your partner or wife how much you truly appreciate the miracle she has worked so hard to give you?

Seeing a third surgical delivery in the next 10 days of my life and knowing this is our last child and that all my husband has done to bring them into the world is sex … yeah! That warrants a gift!" 

I guess real women should be disgusted with their bodies, their babies, and their husbands. Good grief. What a crazy world we're living in.