salvation

"...and in His substitutionary death on the cross He made provision for the redemption of men from sin."

The above quote is from Eric Geiger's Christ Fellowship church websites statement of beliefs. I recently read a quote by him which stated that if one's church does not look like one's city, the church is not following Christ. He leads several mega-churches in Miami and on his website the most prevalent thing is the sale of his book about "Simple Church", which teaches leaders how to bring about spiritual transformation in their congregation. Geiger recently blogged a brochure of "stats" from Christ Fellowship, which includes exactly how many persons attend on a Sunday (around 1000) and how many were "saved" at a given service.

When I first became a Christian (or thought I had through one single thought recognizing that I believed in Christ and his saving work on the cross), I was extremely confused by theological statements like the one above. There I was, now a Christian, a disciple of Christ, following Him and loving Him. Conversely, I was sinning, in thought, word, and deed. So I was left feeling guilty and confused, and I certainly was not growing the "relationship with Jesus Christ" which seemed to be the pinnacle of faith in God and His Son. In fact, at times I questioned if Jesus was really my "personal Saviour". This is the rhetoric I was taught, and it was all I had to work with at the time. How could Christ have died for me, to redeem me from sin, and yet I was actively sinning while confessing that I believed in a God who took my sins away, and "washed me white as snow". I was far from white as snow, and knew it. And because I felt I had somehow been mistaken in my allegiance to Christ, since my sin was not gone, I was at a standstill.

I spent a lot of time listening to sermons and Christian rocks songs that kept saying the same sort of things over and over. If I said A, I would get B. If I really believed C, I would really receive D. If Christ died, then I was "cleansed". The equations I was learning were simple and had only one end result, and they were supposed to be "sufficient for me" as the song goes. I was also taught that if I heard that one sermon (so make sure you're on the edge of your seat), and "got the message" from God then my heart would be transformed and I would be a new woman, ready to accept my mission from Christ. Oh, and don't forget that your mission is ALWAYS partly to be a bouncy, talkative greeter or Sunday school teacher. Then, you're off to the mission field to as happily and confidently share Jesus. But then I was very young, shy and quiet, and not really sure what was going on. I heard how those truly in love with Christ must get up and give their testimony about how God changed their heart. Yet my heart wasn't changed! It was easy, though, to listen to a cute sermon with some well-placed jokes and then get swept up in the emotional waves of music that demanded, comfortably so, nothing from me. I could go to whatever church I felt more comfortable in, as well. At home, all I had to do was read my bible for five minutes a day, listen to music that would lift me up, and tell Jesus I loved Him a lot through my personal prayer.

The first time I was really uncomfortable in a church was when it all came back to this salvation thing. I was at a church that claimed many "new and revolutionary" things. The day in question was one where several children were ushered forward by their parents, and they took the microphone from the Hawaiian shirt clad pastor and said awkwardly with some coaching that they had accepted Jesus Christ into their heart. Then, a few homeless people were brought up the same way. Each proclamation set off a chorus of "Amen!" and Hallelujah!" No amen ringing out was mine, since saying amen was an agreement and I did not agree. Hands were waving in the air, women were crying, and hugs were being freely given. Then the music started, songs of praise for the new disciples who had become Christians that day. The music went on for a long time. I stared at the faces of the newly Christian and wanted to weep. Had they begun down the same path as I, one of false actions to fit in, and confused, guilty prayers to a God that they weren't sure was still around since that glittering day of "acceptance"? Would they sin, and wonder where the Jesus Christ of their personal salvation had gone?

I've learned a lot since then. Leaving non-denominational churches helped. Where I found less freedom to just "hang out with God", I discovered a God that existed ineffably. I didn't have to have some instant conception of who and what God is. This type of understanding and holiness is not met easily or quickly.

Salvation that revolves around the idea of "substitutionary death... to make provision for...redemption from sin" is so empty to me now. Not that I understand much, but the Pascha hymn resounds throughout everything I know, and it's not confusing at all. Christ trampled death by death. He didn't magically take away that inclination to sin that we were so good at fostering, He didn't make our ancestry non-existent. The salvation that I trust is one that speaks of the end of death, which is the great end result of sin. The equation is a bit more complicated, and not necessarily cause and effect.

I hope what I'm hammering at here makes a wee bit of sense.



On other fronts, Elijah, who is 3, asked me what New Years is, since we're going to celebrate it with extended family. I drew a blank. I've never really done the resolution thing, and my family didn't watch the ball drop and what not. I finally told him that it's just a celebration of time continuing and the year changing from 2010 to 2011. The most important thing to him was when I said his 4th birthday would be in the new year. In 2011, Ella will be 2, Eli will be 4, Zach will be 9, and Beth will be 8. And we'll have a new baby to love. Being a slightly overzealous catechumen, admittedly, I'm excited about the new baby being baptized.

It will be a full year. Tonight, slow cooked pork and sauerkraut! There's something to celebrate.

news!

We are expecting a new baby, due in July of the coming year. I am very happy.

But that is all I have to say for now. I am so tired. Pray for our family, and especially for my unborn child. I heard his/her heartbeat for the first time yesterday and it was very loud and strong. No matter how many children you have, hearing that heartbeat the first time just hits you in the chest like a ton of bricks. It's so beautiful and steady and alive.

Baby in the womb at ten weeks. 

Mary, did you know?

The week is passing quickly. Wrapping presents, decorating, as well as various cold weather activities have kept my household busy. I am pretty much recovered from being sick, finally. A cold still lingers- but it isn't too bothersome.

Nativity is very close. We were listening to some Christmas music earlier this evening and heard the song Mary, did you know? I'll bet some of you out there have heard it. Some memorable lines are Mary, did you know that your baby boy would give sight to a blind man? The song speaks of some of the things Christ did in his lifetime, and contrasts those things with the tiny child whose birth we celebrate in just a few days.

Mary, did you know

that your baby boy would one day walk on water?

Mary, did you know

that your baby boy would save our sons and daughters?

Did you know

that your baby boy has come to make you new?

This Child that you delivered will soon deliver you.

Mary, did you know

that your baby boy will give sight to a blind man?

Mary, did you know

that your baby boy will calm the storm with His hand?

Did you know

that your baby boy has walked where angels trod?

When you kissed your little baby you kissed the face of God?

Mary did you know...

The blind will see

The deaf will hear

The dead will live again

The lame will leap

The dumb will speak

The praises of The Lamb

Mary, did you know

that your baby boy is Lord of all creation?

Mary, did you know

that your baby boy would one day rule the nations?

Did you know

that your baby boy is heaven's perfect Lamb?

The sleeping Child you're holding is the Great I Am.

In Orthodox tradition, Mary, the Theotokos, knew full well who she was and who she would bear. It was announced to her clearly by an angel. Further, the Theotokos was promised to God and raised in the church, joyfully entering the temple when she was only three, and remaining there through adulthood, a virgin whose life was devoted to God. Surely, she was closer to God than many of us will ever be, and understood much more than we can imagine. Still, I think about how she was also a young woman, pregnant with her first child. In her holiness, I suppose she could have been without fear. I don't know that she knew just how many things her Son would do...who could have comprehended what the God-man would accomplish.

In the forefeast of the canon, Saint John of Damascus wrote, "How shall a small cave receive thee, for Whom the world cannot find a room? O thou Whom none can comprehend! O Thou, Who with the Father are without beginning, how shalt thou appear as a small child?" Our priest reminded us that we must remember not only the small baby born in a cave, but the man that healed blindness and raised many from the dead, and He who is Immanuel (God with us), but is also Christ who sits in judgement on the last day, casting demons and sinners into a river of fire. Who can comprehend the great I AM?  

If there's anything important to instill in our kids today, I think we need to instill that dual vision- not just the sweet, perfect baby Jesus laid in the glowing manger with his parents leaning lovingly around him which is most recognized this time of year. There is joy, more joy than can be expressed in words, but there also fear that should be taught. I've seen often that things that are Truth are not sweet and soft and pretty. I just hope that parents, especially Orthodox parents, will work against the sparkling images of modern Christmas and tell their children that God is not a lovely tree hanging low with decorations, nor is He a stack of presents waiting to be torn into. Just some thoughts from a young mother who still doesn't know.     

Christ is born! Glorify him!  

Update

What a long December it has been already.

My kids had strep throat, and after just a week's respite we ALL contracted Influenza B. We are on the mend and the big kids are back at school. Even with healing happening, I am exhausted. I started trying to get the house back in order after a week of being couch and bed-ridden, and barely finished straightening my kitchen before I decided it would be best to shut up and sit down.

I've loved the saints of this fast, and the feast days. St. Barbara, St. Nicholas of Myra, St. Herman of Alaska, Conception of the Theotokos...What beautiful remembrances along with the joy of the coming of the birth of the Christ child.

Short post. More to come hopefully later.

obligatory Thanksgiving post

Before I start cooking today, I thought I'd say something here. I'm getting off easy-I only have a to bring a few dishes to the family meal. I am in charge of some veggie side dishes and am making green bean casserole (one of my favorites) and eggplant parm casserole. Plus some cookies and beer will be included.

There was never a history to Thanksgiving in my house growing up. It was chiefly a time of our little family (we didn't go to the big family gathering because of family disagreements) eating more than we usually did and Mom making her famous cheeseball. I learned the "first Thanksgiving" story in my small town public elementary school, and no one ever disputed it. Later in high school I read a few essays on the horrors that the settlers inflicted on the locals, but growing up I didn't know anything other than Pilgrims and Indians and sharing. That didn't matter much, because the focus was eating together and knowing the garden was done for the year and I didn't have to weed or mow anymore. It was usually not quite cold enough yet to worry about how gathering wood for our woodburner would soon replace summer chores.

Even now, I think of several things mainly when I think "Thanksgiving Day". I think of good food and gathering together with family. By now, my husband's side of the family who we gather with has ten grandchildren running around together, it's sometimes chaotic but having a bunch of kids underfoot is nice. When I married my husband, we lived with my parent's in law for a while and I helped my mother-in-law make all the family dishes for the holidays. The family meals have become a part of life in the past six years, and I look forward to them each year. Some of the best times with my mother growing up was cooking with her, so I also enjoyed cooking with my mother-in-law. She's a good woman and I love her dearly. I'm glad she's shared the family recipes with me and welcomed me into her family. I went by her house yesterday and saw she was putting out the family silverware for today's meal. It's a lovely, heavy old set that feels real in your hand and beats plasticware anyday. Thank God for having family in town, we're very lucky. I am very lucky in my in-laws and can't remember that enough.

This year, I am looking forward to spending the afternoon just being together with family. Elijah, my three year old tank of a boy, is excited about the big bird we'll be eating and wants to know who shot it. He'll be disappointed to learn it came from the store freezer. I am thankful that my husband doesn't have to work today...other years he has. I am glad he has a steady job and even likes his job. My father worked construction and factory jobs his whole life and when I was in my pre-teens he learned to hate the back-breaking work as age came on. If my husband remains a police officer, he'll retire with a pension at 50.

Happy Thanksgiving, blogdom. May God grant you many years of memories, and an immediate and extended family whose love extends beyond the present trial.