a woman's place

In the Protestant realm, I've always heard women pining away to be the "Proverbs 31 woman". Which many like saying as "Christian wives" but don't really make an effort to become. I love that Orthodoxy doesn't tell us we can't attain holiness. We can attain it, and our struggle is not one of outward appearances only. We fight our own desires and worship sacrifically. The Orthodox woman is struggling just as the man beside her is- learning and seeking holiness is lifelong. There is not some idea of instant perfection in our day to day choices and living when we "choose Christ". Who in honesty would really say they choose Christ always? The awareness of my own love (yes, love, because I choose it all too often over Life) of death is ever more apparent to me. While there is absolutely a lesson to be learned from Proverbs 31, I think adhering to it as my only (or most important) example of how I should react within my marriage would be betraying myself of the many other teachings within the Holy Bible, not to mention those of the Fathers.

One of the things we struggle for is our marriage. We fight against the world and evil that seeks to destroy our union. The Christian family is so important to any life in pursuit of the Truth. Without recognizing that, and fighting for it, we have no sponsorship, we bring no child or person to Christ. Marriage is a first step, then parenthood where we are told to raise our children as God's own. Without Holy Matrimony, there is divorce from all those good things and ways. Again, I do not speak of divorce in the worldy since, but as total separation; disunion: a divorce between thought and action.

I think also of Malachi 2 in regards to marriage. I know it is directly to priests, but in the belief that we are members the royal priesthood, as Orthodox Christians, how it speaks a man must treat the wife of his youth (how many times does the Bible speak of the importance of this particular wife) indirectly makes me think about any marriage, and how any "treachery" is unfaithfulness and creates a divorce within a marriage(not the modern, court room-based kind):

With whom you have dealt treacherously;
Yet she is your companion
And your wife by covenant.
But did He not make them one,
Having a remnant of the Spirit?
And why one?
He seeks godly offspring.
Therefore take heed to your spirit,
And let none deal treacherously with the wife of his youth.
16 “ For the LORD God of Israel says
That He hates divorce,
For it covers one’s garment with violence,”
Says the LORD of hosts.

He made us one, having a remant of the Spirit. Thank God. Thank God for forgiveness and redemption. Without it we'd all be lost.

The phrase "Proud Mary" reminded John Fogerty of a domestic washerwoman, which is what he started writing the song about. When he wrote the music, the first few chords reminded him of a paddle-wheel going around, and he thought of the Mississippi River. Instead of "Proud Mary" being a clean-up lady, "she" became a boat.

It's a CCR kind of week. I recently went to a clogging class with my daughter and they were clogging to Bad Moon. It was fantastic.

words inside the nimbus

During a recent inquiers class, I was staring at an icon of Christ (the Pantocrator) while I listened to our priest speak about the Holy Spirit part of the Nicene Creed, and about the filioque. I began to wonder two things: A) why the letters were there, if it was a sort of stance against Arianism, a visible reminder of the humanity and divinity? and B) if icons had always been written including the letters in the nimbus, or if historically the letters were added after the upheavals. Sort of an unimportant thing to be thinking, I suppose, but I tend to get stuck on my curiousities.

In John 8:58 Christ says, "I tell you the truth, before Abraham was born, I AM!"

In the nimbus around the head of Christ, we see the Greek letters spelling the name which God first told to Abraham when asked who He was. "I AM" or "THE EXISTING ONE", even sometimes "THE ONE WHO IS".

There are some very early icons that do not have the letters in the nimbus at all. It seems, from what I can find to reference, that since the iconoclastic upheavals (in essece, the iconoclastic upheavals denied the full humanity and full divinity of Christ) the letters are a very important part of writing an icon of the Christ. With the restoration of iconography the presence of the letters-and also nine lines forming the cross within the halo- appear with more consistancy. They seem as important as the stars of perpetual virginity on the maphorian in the icon of the Mother of God.

These symbols have great theological and doctrinal importance. . Since icons are not written merely for decoration, I'd assume there are certain ways to write icons, and certain things that must be included. I wonder why sometimes "I AM" is omitted. I noticed that IC XC is almost always present (the first and last letters of the name of Christ, in Hebrew I believe).

Does anyone have further knowledge on the subject?

the end?

I spent the tail end of last week considering a major life choice:

to stop homeschooling. At least for now. The possibility of our kids attending a top-rated county school came up.

We haven't made a complete decision, but with me starting school again, and my husband's hectic work schedule, among many other factors-including financial ones-we are beginning to think it might be best to have the older children go to a local elementary school.

I have gotten a few negative responses from people who barely know our family. I have also gotten many positive encouragements.

With prayer, I am trying to make the best decision for our family. I have the poem below hanging on our living room wall.

God be in my head
and in my understanding.

God be in mine eyes,
and in my looking;

God be in my mouth,
and in my speaking;

God be in my heart,
and in my thinking;

God be at mine end,
and at my departing.

what I love

It gets to me that so much of what my children must learn to survive in this world is technological. It is the poor man who doesn't know computers and other electronics, and doesn't have an ability to utilize these advances. You can't do much daily without having access to technologies.

I'm no genius. However, I know plenty of things well. Sadly to me, it seems that more and more of what I know is obsolete. I try to show my kids, they listen because I love simple things so fervently and they seem to recognize that there is an importance, perhaps archaic, in what I rant about- but they are just as impressed by new technologies as I am.

Lately, I've been experiencing a real end of the school year burnout. Also, starting back to college is looming. I encounter women who hate working, and would kill to stay home with their kids. I'm doing that, and I could continue. There is no need for school, no need for a job. If my husband was injured or worse, I would be in trouble with four children to support. Even with life insurances and family who I know would help me (I think...), there is still that underlying, passionate need I have to be able to support my children if need be. I've worked jobs that could support a family before, I've had three jobs at once, so I am no stranger to hard work. I've made much more than minimum wage, even though I haven't worked since I was twenty.

I don't even have to get a job immediately after finishing school, but it seems the normal way of things and I don't know how strongly I will be able to fight against it.

What do I know? I know that a degree in elementary education is largely a joke. I also know that degree would be sufficient to battle legislation against homeschooling parents who have only a high school diploma. I know that I don't need a degree to survive. Letters mean nothing to me. They mean everything to the world I live in. Get a degree in anything, underwater basket-weaving, and then you have that "bachelor's level or higher" box you can check. That's what we call education. We have made education too expensive, then made it a requirement. It's the way of the world today.

I realize more and more not everyone is cut out for higher education. In some ways, I don't think many college pursuits are even beneficial. But everyone must conform. What is there to be anymore for my sons if they aren't intellectuals?



I don't say to my kids, "Look, here is a tree and here grow the roots." I say, "Here is the computer, you must learn to type quickly and to navigate the internet." I don't say, "Look at the animal. Learn how it lives and dies, it is going to sustain you." I say, "Pick up that package of ground meat from the shelf. Cook it over the gas flame. If you don't want to cook, go to the drive-through." I don't say, "The seeds must be three inches deep." I say, "It's faster to open a can, quickly, because we have things to do." I don't say, "We can make this." I watch their first conclusion to needing something form, which they express, "We need to go to the store and buy one."

Because we have things to do. I don't want to do any of those things. I want to sit down with my children in the dirt and light a fire and sing and listen to the wind and watch the stars and love them more- because all too soon we will all be that dirt beneath us.

Damn it all.

How do I teach them to love God? His creation is all around us and we do not love it.

I want to go hiking. The asphalt is getting to me.