musings

I am sitting here in the car lane at the elementary school. Absentmindedly observing the fifty some or more butterflies that are flitting about in the field next to the school. I see after-school and extended care kids getting into daycare buses, the same kids whose parents dropped them off a half hour before the bell rang today. I suppose they won't get picked up from after care for a few more hours.

I feel in a bit of a time crunch picking my kids up and having time with them only till eight thirty, which we have declared school night bedtime. I don't know how any parenting gets done when you have the early and extended care situation going. I think it's horrific. That sounds impossibly judgemental, and I know a lot of parents dont't have an easy choice there. If it ever gets to that, I will live in a trailer before I only see my kids to wake them up and put them to sleep. I have quit jobs and lost income before to be at home with my kids, and I'd do it again.

It is a tradgedy, and I am full of sadness for those families. Homeschooling, it's easy to be idealistic and not notice the rest of the neighborhood. The school our kids attend now is small and operates on a neighborhood principle-the kids going here live closeby. I see five year olds holding their younger siblings hand, in this big, crime ridden city, no parent in sight, standing waiting for the bus, and afterward getting on a boxy white daycare bus.

Family in this sense is merely a business arrangment. These students I speak of are not the majority it seems, thank God. But even thirty kids is too many for my perspective. Lord, have mercy.

Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear - not absence of fear. Except a creature be part coward it is not a compliment to say it is brave.

~Mark Twain, Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar, 1894

"Organic" food has also changed because the word "organic" is no longer synonymous with locally grown food. In fact, we actually see large corporate farms replacing smaller independently-run farms. California's $400 million organic produce market is now controlled by five massive organic farms, and Horizon Organic controls over 70% of our nation's organic milk market, with over 30% of its milk coming from two factory-style dairy farms with approximately 5000 cows each. This is far from the ideal of supporting small and local farmers.

-from a paper I had to read for my course recently. Hmm..

I get these awful migraines. Today, I was out with my son buying some groceries and got sick. It's so ugly and just overcomes me. I can't think, and feel like I'm unable to draw a full breath. I have severe visual disturbances that scare me. My arm might go numb. Behind my eyes I feel a terrible sharp pain. Then I get nauseous, so I can't keep medications down. I've tried several different medications over the years and nothing is that helpful. I still have to suffer through hours (usually around 4) of severe pain.

I actually haven't had one in a good number of months. Today a wave of pain hit me out of nowhere and I had to sit down in the middle of a grocery isle and was scared I wouldn't be able to drive my son home. I made it home and my husband immediately had to take over everything so I could go in my room and burrow under pillows. I always try to go to sleep, mostly to escape the pain, but I end up getting too nauseous and have to get up. My doctor has no idea why this happens, especially because it is random. I've had migraines since I was a small girl. I remember coming home from school because of them in elementary school.

I have prayed for the burden of these headaches to be taken away from me before. But today remembered the saint who is honored on July 27th, my husband's birth day. I prayed to Saint Panteleimon, who I recently learned about. I am serious when I say that I was despairing because after almost three hours the skull-splitting pain had not abated, even though I took strong medicines. Labor pains were not as bad as my headaches. Then, I started praying to Saint Panteleimon. I re-read the story of his life aloud and sang the Apolytikion and Kontakion. Beth, my newly seven-year-old daughter, is the best caregiver for the sick in our household, and brought me a small icon of the Theotokos enthroned to hold as well. I pulled up the above picture of the wonder-working icon of Saint Panteleimon on my laptop and sat it next to me.

I was feeling a lot better within minutes.

Apolytikion

Panteleimon, saintly champion and healer,

intercede with our merciful God to grant our souls remission of sins.

Kontakion

O Champion and Martyr of God,

imitating the Merciful and bearing from Him the grace of healing,

cure our spiritual ills by your prayers,

and set free from the temptation of the eternal enemy,

those who ceaselessly cry out, "Save us, O Lord."
 
 

I would love it if...

..you dear Orthodox women (or men!) out there would recommend something new and fun (but inexpensive to make) that is vegan. I've got plenty of soup recipes. I'm good on breads, too. I'm going to try a cheeseless pizza this fast, too. I worked in an Italian restaurant that was pretty traditional and they had several pizzas without cheese or meat.

Thanks to anyone that takes a moment.