Many people I know are looking for the bigger, better deal. I am not sure what gives one contentment in life, I haven't completely found it yet myself. I am content with many things, my children, my husband, my stay-at-homeness (finally!), homeschooling...I've come to terms with the fact that my house will not be clean as I want it or organized as I want it, and am trying not to let that drive me insane. Who I am is not who I ever daydreamed I would be....
....I'm ok with that.
It's gotten to the point where I wonder what I should be thinking about the future. I start to lean toward contentment, rather than things new and supposedly exciting, which are also risky and alter what I have now. I don't think God wants us to look at what we have each morning and daydream the afternoon away thinking about what we could have. There aren't many could haves that remain lucrative to me. They aren't worth it, they don't necessarily lead to contentment, to the terrible and merciful God who is ever more evident in my sight. Is this some feeling that comes with age, but I've hit it early? That sounds arrogant and absurd, but, there it is.
Maybe it's a spiritual issue. I am realizing I don't have to be at 100% to be a Christian. In fact, I'm still a Christian when I'm at -0 because God is who he says he is. He is I AM. He forgives and as the Creator He sees that negative before I see it, before I even imagine it, and already He waits for my repentance. I wait for mercy, mostly, but sometimes even for judgement. I feel particularly strong, as if I am saying, "Come what may." (knock on wood!) I don't plan on abandoning ship. Even if the big modern picture of Christianity looks like a sinking ship.
A blog I read now and then says, "Go, warn your children of the terrible speed of mercy." It is a quote from a novel by Flannery O'Connor, referencing Revelations 8 (correct me if I'm wrong) where the altar, traditionally the place of God's mercy, ironically becomes the very source of divine judgment. This is very intriguing to me, and I think about it a lot.
I don't know where this post is going. Makes my blog into a journal?
Goodnight.
3 comments:
I don't know how old you are, but I assume almost young enough to by my daughter... One of the most difficult spiritual disciplines is to "take no thought for tomorrow" and to "Forget what lies behind"... in other words, "live in the present moment". (I have a couple podcasts on the topic on "Steve the Builder"). In AA they say "coulda, woulda, shoulda". Changing the past, anticipating the future, thinking we can plan the future, its all a delusion and a distraction from what God has given us in the present moment, and I mean PRESENT...not even the whole day ahead of us. We can plan, think and anticipate, but being open to the Holy Spirit in the here and now is much more important. If we make a decision on the fly and with the best intentions and with the best knowledge and responsibility we can muster and with prayer, then we've done all we can. Put it in the hands of God and move on. Life is life and no one can know anything other than what "IS". Anything other than that is a fantasy of varying degrees of dysfunction and delusion. Hang in there. Life is an adventure, not an itinerary. :)
Thank you for your encouragement!
No disrespect meant, but as far as my age goes I am sure most close relatives would joke here that I am, more probably, young enough to be your grandaughter. It is a subject of great amusement for many.
"If we make a decision on the fly and with the best intentions and with the best knowledge and responsibility we can muster and with prayer, then we've done all we can." Sounds like a good prescription for childrearing, also. I will remember it.
LOL! No disrespect taken...I'm STILL getting used to people calling me "Sir" since I grew my beard out. But I've always WANTED to be old for some reason, even when I was a kid. Now I'm here. Yay!! And, yes that is good advice for raising children (having raised 6). Knowing what to let go is as important as knowing what to "do" when it comes to kids. The more you have and the longer they live the more you figure it out. The first one is always beaten up and the last one is spoiled rotten in the firstborn's estimation. :)
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