#1 reason why life is not fair: missing my nieces. They will someday rule the world and will remember I moved away from them. They'll likely have no mercy.

loneliness
was a weight when I was younger
sometimes now it is a quiet place
without recompense, but without
frantic, breathless hurry, hustle
or gulping heartache
it slows, hangs it's head;
listens like a graying dog
to the sound of a field

then it is a feeling humbled
by so many unexpected joys, retired
to a sun-kissed island of fullness
praised tenderly
and smothered in good regard

though at times I falter,
I glance up to watch it come
a rush of resentment folds in,
a crushing blow in a glance,
and an uneven thump in my chest
forsaken

then hollow sounds
of forgotten sorrows wrangle
and tatter me,
leaving me to hang on this chair
like an old cardigan that has seen too many winters.

College

I am in term 4 of my return to college. I've been taking courses towards teacher licensure for nearly two years is what that means. I am tired. Wouldn't mind a break, but I'd never go back.

I don't know how I am getting everything done. My children are a strength, they're watching me and asking questions. I want to set a good example for them. I hope they don't quit when it gets rough, and that they try very hard to find something beautiful in the drudgery of adult life. There are so many wonderful little things. God give me the strength to look for excellent things and love simple joys.

I just want to read a book that isn't a textbook (I really love reading aloud to the kids right now!) and go to bed early consistently.

I HATE MY LAPTOP where endless papers are written.

Something borrowed

In reading Piaget, Vygotsky, Dewey, and Bruner as part of teacher education, I have to admit I'm pretty sure I spent much of my early adulthood (and currently...) dismally circling the drain with those 35% of high school graduates Piaget proposed were likely still struggling to embrace higher level thinking. I'm with Vygotsky on societal and cultural influences taking precedence in movement toward higher thinking, and I thank God for my life experiences and the bunch of nonconformists I've been privileged to know so far that have propelled me out of some of the drudgery of collective oblivion which plagues American culture.

It also occurs to me I need to shut up and go to bed. Night.

Well, here we are again.

Here we are, again staring down Lent. Many things in life are new. Many things in life, like the liturgical life we live in the Church, remain familiar and sharply focused. It is funny, because all I can think is what a great comfort this beginning of the Triodion has been. It is the focused movement forward, the festal Liturgies with familiar hymns, that stitches it all together for me right now. It is something we've lived before, and live now, and will live many times again, no matter that we're 500+ miles from all we "know".

A few years ago my godmother tried to explain to me how the Church is our Mother. Now I see, we are so tenderly cared for no matter where we go.

Most Holy Theotokos, through your Son save us!